Elon Mints

Went to a funeral today. The deceased was only 20. Everyone was laser focused on him and crying, but not me. At the reception, I saw a bowl of mints. Everyone was too sad to notice this passive income opportunity. I went back and took them. Not all at once. I took one every 7 minutes. Guy next to me asked if I knew the deceased? I told him not personally, but I respect what he left behind. I left with all the mints and sold them all to a group of drunk swingers outside a Buffalo Wild Wings for $340. The lesson? Passive income is everywhere if you know where to look.

My son called me crying “Dad, school ended 4 hours ago. I’m still waiting for you to pick me up!” Click. I hung up. Weak pitch. No clear call to action. Didn’t give me a reason to care. I went back to cold emailing billionaires. He’ll have to learn a better way to get my attention if he wants my help.

@chasedownleads I’m glad you can profit off of the Mintanyl epidemic. Incidentally, I’ve just dropped off millions of unmarked inconspicuous mints in Boston.

Guess who owns the fentanyl test strip vending machine

Nearly got ran over today. I was going for a walk on the highway when a truck came speeding. I jumped in front of it at the last second and the driver quickly hit the brakes. He got out to check if I was ok, I immediately began arguing with him for not paying attention. If he was paying attention, he would also have noticed my assistant taking his truck. He was so distraught when I told him I was going to press charges that he didn't even notice me getting in the truck and driving away. But my passive income secret? That truck was full of Altoids which I sold to drunk swingers for $500 each at Planet Fitness. Then I sued the truck driver for billions and put him into generational debt.

Purchased a funeral home last month. I modified the cremation machine to turn the bodies into mints. Every body produces millions of mints and on average, we take 8 bodies a day. We only offer closed casket funerals so the family members never notice the bodies missing. I sell the mints to drunk swingers outside Buffalo Wild Wings for $350 each. This is how I make billions of dollars in passive income daily.

@chasedownleads Have you tried sending him Dagestan for 2-3 years and forgetting about him? I’ve heard when he returns he’d be a passive income machine.

Just spoke to a 7-year old kid He wants to start a business But hasn't actually launched one yet He has zero investments And he didn't offer any unique insights into economics or business What a terrible networking meeting Never hanging out with my son again

Was at a meeting with rival execs today when an armed man came in and took us all hostage. He demanded billions of dollars and said he wanted to take all of our money. My competitors were silent and scared, one of them even peed a little, but not me. I quickly said "what if instead of taking money, you made it passively?" He demanded to know more. That's when I explained the Elon Mints mentorship program to him. For $4999 a month he could learn from me. He was amazed and signed up immediately. Then he asked how he could ever repay me? That's when I told him he could get rid of all the rival execs in the room for me. This is how billionaires do business.

Was on a walk the other night when I came across a crime scene. First responders were everywhere, along with a crowd of crying families. I immediately rushed through the crowd pretending to act distraught and crying. I pleaded with the officer outside the house to let me in so I could see my father one last time. When I was let in, I stole all the mints from the house and ran away. Then I sold them all to drunk swingers outside Wendy’s for $500 each. The best part? That was just a random guys house. Why isn’t everyone talking about this scaling hack?

Sitting in Starbucks working Someone comes up to me "Are you using that seat?" they ask about the empty chair next to me "Yes, I am" Then I reach into my bag and pull out a massive stack of cash, setting it on the chair They storm off Everyone in the Starbucks stood up to applaud my massive wealth Then I got robbed

Wife gave birth today. It was very painful. For me. Because I was running late for an important networking event at the swingers club. I knew I had to do something when she asked for pain relief from the doctor. I demanded the nurse upsell the epidural to her for a $999 down payment with a monthly subscription fee of $2000 for the rest of her life. Then I sold mints to everyone in the room, including the baby. He was amazed and said his first words, “sell more mints”. Being a father is awesome.

A Mint Billionaire invited me to brunch today. At the table, he looked timid and had his hands in his pants. I didn’t think much of it, billionaires are always thinking of the next money making scheme. When the waiter came, she asked what we would like to order. He was infuriated that she didn’t read his mind to know the order so he pulled out a Mint Ray gun from his pants and zapped her into 1,000,000,000 Mints. We promptly left. Then he sold all those Mints to drunk swingers outside Taco Bell for $350 each. Lesson? Surround yourself with people that know what you want.

Last month I went to Cambodia to setup a Mint Factory. I offered millions of dollars monthly as a wage, so countless people lined up and applied. I let them all in the factory, and that’s when I revealed my secret. They would actually be working 23 hours a day for free and living in the factory too (plus paying rent to live there). The best part? When I made the factory, I made sure to build no exits and surrounded it with an electric fence and barbed wire. Why isn’t everyone talking about this passive income hack?

Was at my best friend's wedding today as the best man. It was the happiest day of his life, and I knew I had to be there for him. The first thing I did was quietly spike the drinks with sewage. I went to every table and struck up a convo while secretly stealing everyone’s complimentary mints before also stealing all the mints in the storage. Then I went back to make my Best Man's speech. Throughout it, I kept mentioning what terrible breath my friend had to the point where he was visibly flustered and embarrassed. Before he went to kiss the bride, he pulled me aside and said he was feeling insecure and wanted some mints. That’s when I sold all of the mints back to him for $350 each. Lesson? Always be there for your friends.

Went to the mechanic today with my car totalled. He told me my engine needed a replacement and it'd take all day. While I sat in the waiting room, I noticed a bowl of mints. I quickly took all the Mints when he left and then asked him where the Mints were. Noticing they were gone, he went back to the stockroom to refill them while I secretly followed him. He left again to work on the car. Throughout the day, I stole all of the Mint boxes. Finally, he came back to the waiting room to tell me the absurd price of the new engine. I immediately made foul comments about his mother and mentioned he had terrible breath so loudly that everyone could hear. He was terrified. His business would be ruined if he had poor breath and he couldn't find any Mints to resolve the issue. That's when I sold the Mints back to him for $500 each. Lesson? Researching your prospect can help you get a better deal.

Met an Alpha Male at my Mint factory today. While millions of underpaid workers slaved tirelessly without food or water, he simply beat them all with whips instead of working. When I asked him why he did that? He said he wanted to improve my Mint Factory productivity and knew the way to do that was to motivate the workers. I immediately gave him a billion dollars. He then started throwing his poop at all the workers while making monkey noises. Lesson? Hiring Alpha Males is the easiest way to scale your business.

@chasedownleads Hope he also paid a 30% tip on that, it’s downright disrespectful not to!

On a 5 hour flight. Guy next to me is complaining about high cost of living, how it’s impossible to get ahead, and how rich people are lucky. Meanwhile, he doesn't realize that I'm his landlord. I type out an email informing him that I'm raising his rent by 30% effective immediately, and adding a $350 utility surcharge to his monthly fee Then I charged his credit card $500 just for fun The look on his face when he checked his email was priceless Moments like this make it pretty clear that it’s not just about luck…it’s about how well you can take advantage of others

@chasedownleads Absolutely, I was thinking Mints laced with Mintanyl

@ElonMints like mints?

Saw a homeless man standing on a highway exit ramp His sign said “need $$” I asked how much he makes $40 a day he says Not bad But I can scale this I purchased his sign and territory for 3x daily EBITDA Hired 5,000 more homeless people Had them stand at the most trafficked intersections across 3 states Gave them signs and A/B tested different copy Set up online payments Optimized hiring and onboarding systems Now I’m making $3.7 million a month in profit Lesson: Always stop to help homeless people!

Was at a Diddy Party last year. He told me that he'd make me a Mint billionaire. All he needed to do first was test my onboarding process. He handed me an Altoid, I took it, and passed out. Later, I woke up in a sauna with all of my clothes missing, covered in sweat and baby oil with passive income all over me. Walked out of the sauna and Diddy said he was pleased with the onboarding efficiency and we could get to work. And that's how I became a billionaire. Lesson? Networking is crucial if you want to become rich.

Volunteered at a charity event yesterday. Everyone was very upset after a local tragedy occurred and wanted to donate. They left me in charge of collections. I handed out a free Mint to everyone in the crowd before I started collecting. I told everyone that the first Mint was free, but the second Mint would cost everything they have. When I came around to collect, every person gave all of their money for just another Mint. Then I just ran away with all the funds. My secret? They were secretly laced with Mintanyl so that they'd get instantly addicted and do anything to pay for another Mint. That’s how I make billions selling Mints.

Met a billionaire crack addict at an Olive Garden this morning. The waiter asked if we wanted anything. I was about to order but he quickly said "two of everything, blended into a smoothie, oh and with extra crack". Everyone was shocked. The waiter's mouth was wide open so he filled it with passive income. Then he popped a mint in his mouth, walked over to the cook and pushed him out of the way and then filled all of the meals with passive income and a lot of crack. Then he told me the secret to his success. "Addiction is just dedication spelled wrong. And if you want to be a billionaire, get addicted to something.” Then we spent the night on Skid Row doing crack and having mints. Lesson? Getting rich requires changing your habits.