em frink

i’ve been forced to watch some football recently and i really think they should consider editing the matches to have confessionals from the players like in reality tv shows. would be way more interesting

Hi, I am back after a very long stint away which started with me getting a new phone and forgetting my password to this account.

Trying to keep the tradition of sending a Christmas card every year is like a part time seasonal job. Every single Christmas card you get you should treasure.

my boyfriend wrote an email to the natural deodorant company to try and get me a refund bc I hate it so much and???????? LMFAOOOOOOOOOO

Ok I kinda take this back. Listening to Wasted On You… the man don’t sound like a cigarette.

Idk who Morgan Wallen is but he looks like a human cigarette

I got a quote for the dead tree in my yard to be removed and it’ll cost me $5,500. All I want for Christmas is not to have to file a home insurance claim when this tree falls on it.

@besparKYLIE How?

Not me absolutely sobbing watching #MAID on @netflix as Regina states “…maybe I’m not a c*nt.” 😭

When traveling with another couple there is no room to hide when you need to poop. It’s like a new level of friendship

This is a niche tweet but I have been fighting after effects all morning with ghost images in empty layers and all I needed to do to fix it was clear my cache. I will unavailable as I have passed away ✝️

My Uber driver just tweeted (while driving) about me so there’s that

Not me on vacation but sad because I miss my dog

Being a creative, everyone asks me my opinion on what color they should paint things in/on their home. Girl, it’s called color theory. Google it.

My dog acting like she’s so over the vet but I know damn well she gets a crap load of peanut butter and cheese out of a can when she’s in there. Master class in acting.

Photos I take of my husband vs photos he takes of me… bark at the park edition. Yes that’s my dog peeing.

@cjaybathiany Ok but imagine this… You start the episode last night as it premieres, except HBO glitches and starts the episode with 2min left. Right before *that* scene. HBO literally spoiled it’s own show for us.

i hated the white lotus finale

@JoniMFisher Oh I know! I wore a one of a kind dress too!! ☺️😉

I didn’t take a picture at the bridal dress store in front of a wall of fake leaves with a. Chalk sign. Did I really get married?

Thinking about how much i am going to miss my dog while on a girls trip this weekend. Err, I mean husband.