Emo Philips

I like Twitter because it combines my two favorite forms of communication: texting, and throwing a note in a bottle out into the sea.

If I can just get past Kenosha

All ye o’ Philadelphia, Baltimore, Arlington, Raleigh, Greensboro, Charlotte, Greenville, Atlanta, Birmingham, Mobile, Bay St. Louis, New Orleans, Lafayette, Appleton, Kenosha, Janesville, Osage Beach, St. Louis, Peoria, Champaign, Indianapolis, Minneapolis, Eau Claire, Detroit, Cleveland, Youngstown, Massillon, Providence, Portsmouth, Boston, Uncasville, Baker City, Boise, North Charleston, and/or Myrtle Beach:

If you live in Philadelphia, Baltimore, Arlington, Raleigh, Greensboro, Charlotte, Greenville, Atlanta, Birmingham, Mobile, Bay St. Louis, New Orleans, Lafayette, Appleton, Kenosha, Janesville, Osage Beach, St. Louis, Peoria, Champaign, Indianapolis, Minneapolis, Eau Claire, Detroit, Cleveland, Youngstown, Massillon, Providence, Portsmouth, Boston, Uncasville, Baker City, Boise, North Charleston, and/or Myrtle Beach, I humbly beseech you to gently click emophilips.com/events

Dear Flight Attendants, No eggnog? Just say so. NO NEED FOR THAT LOOK

Magic Friends: Penn Jillette and Kristy Pitchford Produced a very funny film directed by Lisa Satriano called THE BIG WHOOP about washed up clowns caught in the middle of a heist. At a recent screening in Hollywood, I can't remember if it was Jason Alexander, Emo Philips, or Eric Idle who said it's "The Big Lebowski meets The Three Stooges." Shin Lim plays a sexy rival clown and Sandra Oh plays the manager. Public Screening in LA on May 3: thebigwhoopmovie.com

I’ll also be in dozens of other cities; a quick click here will whisk you to the particulars: emophilips.com/events

If you don’t see your city, I beg you to please kindly check back every now and then, for gigs are forever coming down the pike, and I post them onto my website the instant I can get to the library

If you live in Houston, San Antonio, Fort Worth, Dallas, San Francisco, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Arlington, Raleigh, Greensboro, Charlotte, Greenville, Atlanta, Birmingham, Mobile, Bay St. Louis, New Orleans, Lafayette, Appleton, Kenosha, Janesville, Osage Beach, St. Louis, Peoria, Champaign, Indianapolis, Minneapolis, Eau Claire, Detroit, Cleveland, Youngstown, Massillon, Providence, Portsmouth, Boston, Uncasville, Baker City, Boise, North Charleston, and/or Myrtle Beach, I humbly beseech you to gently click emophilips.com/events

Happy April Fools’ Day (Orthodox)

and then they wonder why nobody goes to funerals anymore

because God forbid there should be one fun moment

Happy National Pet Day

old french café menus were brutal

Two TOTALLY NORMAL gentlemen of their time.

Andy Warhol with Emo Phillips

at least we don’t have squirrels running all over us

let’s pray it never comes to that

I don’t know who needs to see this