Colin Etches - Comedian

@BorisJohnson Seen and not heard

Axing levelling up shows lack of ambition and a failure to believe in this country’s potential. Labour will axe Brexit next. Then they will pointlessly whack up taxes. The drift backwards has begun.

@EmmaKennedy Hahahahahaha

JUST BEEN LEAKED NOTE BY HEAD OF TORY CAMPAIGN (the one standing in for the one on leave of absence courtesy of William Hill) MEMO ALL CANDIDATES … THE REALITY. 1. We cannot campaign on our record because nothing has improved since we took office. 2. The biggest change we made last Parliament was Brexit and we can’t campaign on that because the people who hated it hate it more and the people who liked it know we have ballsed it up. 3. We can’t campaign on our leaders because we have had five in eight years which suggests none of them were very good. 4. We can’t campaign on Labour being a risk to security and the economy because nobody can do worse than we have and anyway people seem to think @Keir_Starmer is pretty decent and he is for sure not Corbyn. 5. So LADS, all we have left is this … behave like we have lost, it’s all over bar the shouting, towel thrown in, and hope to God millions of people don’t bother to vote us out because they think somebody else will do it. I know it’s desperate and a bit anti-democratic but needs must. We’re shit and we know we are and so this is it!!! Fuck everything up. Crash the car. Make ourselves look even more unelectable and useless at campaigns. Willie Whitelaw used to talk about travelling the country stirring up apathy. That is all we have left. Do it. Talk up supermajority. I know it is meaningless but it is the only way to stop the superdefeat we all know we deserve. Cheers. Btw we’re having Sunday drinks 1pm. BYOB 🍾 🥂 ps new slogan. STAY AT HOME. DON’T VOTE. KEEP THE TORIES haha!!

@si_skelly @campbellclaret Hopefully they wont after this

@BorisJohnson Mate get back in you toolbox you spanner. No one believes anything you say. You need to slip into obscurity now its over.

If Labour wins big, the Commons will be crammed with Palestinian-flag waving Corbynistas - and it won't just be the rich getting soaked, it'll be everyone. Voting Tory is the ONLY way to stop Starmergeddon dailymail.co.uk/debate/article…

@benonwine Nope!!

Do you think if Boris Johnson came back now the Conservatives might stand a chance of winning at the general election?

@trussliz Omg please for the sake of the people of South West Norfolk and beyond please don't.

I will be running for re-election to continue to be a strong voice for South West Norfolk. My record includes securing: 🏥 A new Queen Elizabeth Hospital 🏦A new banking hub in Downham Market 💷 £20 million to help regenerate Thetford town centre

If you think Starmer is boring, consider the excitement the Conservative Party have given us since 2016. Then Bring on the boring!!!!!!

@Halcruttenden The breakfast isnt racist but itdoes look a little over cooked.

When you only seek to appeal to the ill-informed, you can tweet some really stupid things. We’re going to miss you, Lee.

@arusbridger He wanted us to feel sorry for him but tbh I just wanted them to change the locks while he was out giving us his Bull****

If only there was a £2m media briefing room at Downing Street with a roof and everything...

@BorisJohnson Starmer will be the least dangerous Prime Minister since 2010

Socialism of the Starmer kind has never worked in this country, and it is frankly the last thing we need now. dailymail.co.uk/debate/article…

@BorisJohnson Starmer cannot be anything like the kind of scary that you and the tories have subjected us to for the last 14 years.

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