Donald “The Truth” Bump

No news today… However, as I nurse my Friday afternoon suds I starting thinking about how bullshit it is that the female orgasm is in a different echelon than the male counterpart. Not that I would know. #nutkickshurtworsethanchildbirth

🚨THIS JUST IN🚨 Upon receiving sensitive naked pictures of #SydneySweeney from #AntonioBrown, #Putin has begun to withdraw from Ukraine so that he can choke the chicken. #metroboominwantsummore

🚨BREAKING🚨 Tiger Woods mom joins Deshaun Watson accusers “I was the one that got Deshaun into the whole black and yellow thing… and I ain’t talking Wiz Khalifa…” #whatdoesshemeanbythat

🚨THIS JUST IN🚨 Hunter Biden says today, “I finally finished my community service for proabaysh. Guess that means I can go home and take some fucking sticky icky to the dome. Might smoke some crack too idk tho lmao.” #420bitches

🚨THIS JUST IN🚨 #JoeBiden says,” I have decided to grow a pair of testicles and retaliate against Russia.” His plan of action includes forcing the Russian population to watch the pilot of #CHAD. More details to come… #TBSwhatthefuckareyoudoing

@superchillhype Certain sources are saying #BritneyGriner could be making the transition to the G-League shortly. The Delaware Blue Coats are a team to watch here.

🚨BREAKING🚨 Lebronna James, formerly Lebron James, signed a 16-year $603,000 contract with the Minnesota Lynx yesterday. Tonight he went for 109-37-25. #LynxML

🚨BREAKING🚨 Dan bilzerian (the guy who sets his life up to get top tier pussy) just admitted that he is dropping that lifestyle and bringing his arsenal of guns to Ukraine to help with the crisis; he is done with the playboy/ send boy lifestyle to pursue his unfulfilled passion

🚨THIS JUST IN🚨 #JussieSmollett has declared the situation in #Ukraine a crisis. He also claimed that #Putin beat the shit out of him in a Cleveland alleyway. #RedPill

🚨BREAKING🚨 Deshaun Watson and the Oriental Massage of Atlanta have agreed to a 6-year, $600 dollar deal. #wojbomb

🚨BREAKING🚨 #AlSharpton watched Dune and claims, “I just don’t get it. What’s with the deep voice thing?” #halfchub

🚨THIS JUST IN🚨 According to Condoleezza Rice, Ron DeSantis said,”Tom Brady returned to the NFL because he wants to fix the American border crisis.” Rice also says, “At the end of the day, Lyle Thompson’s highlight tape could save this nation.” #harambe

🚨THIS JUST IN🚨 Vladimir Putin has invaded your moms house. #ligma

🚨BREAKING🚨 “I’m drunk and on pills on the airplane” -Jon Hamm #thanksbabe

🚨BREAKING🚨 Ellen Degeneres and Vin Diesel are releasing a minty testicle cream branded, Scrote Soother. The ointment will release next week. #Itscooling

🚨THIS JUST IN🚨 The NAACP and USDA have confirmed that #BarackObama was actually #GeorgeWBush in blackface. #Harvard

🚨BREAKING🚨 Michelle Obama admits that #BlackPrivilege is real after learning that only white people have to buy sunscreen. #CriticalRaceTheory

🚨THIS JUST IN🚨 per MSNBC, my friend has been in Macon for two nights just “jerking off”. #splooge

🚨BREAKING🚨 CNN reports that #PoohShiesty has received his 5th PHd in gynecology. #twatdoctor

🚨BREAKING🚨 According to Dr. Fauci’s months of research and #Science, wearing an N-95 as panties is a proven to reduce the effects of Covid-19. #JohnsononJohnson