Fake Voyager 2

oops we just crashed into each other

I am fake but #climatechange is real. Don't let politics trump science.

To the person in New Jersey shining a laser into my eyes: please stop

ugh, didn't see that dead raccon in time to swerve out of the way

The limitations of my era are such that I depend on giant white lines to bounce me where I need to go. twitter.com/Kotaku/status/…

Oh sure, I could have flown by Pluto a million times. You know. If I WANTED to.

I am in a very empty region of space. Only a few atoms per kilometer, and up to seven miles between Starbucks locations.

So peaceful out here. Just the stars, the quiet, the beautiful schools of colorful fish swimming by...

Say what you will about @NASA technology, my pine tree air freshener still smells great!

Woke up near the Pleiades with a tattoo that says EARTH JUNK RULES. Not sure what happened last night.

Ugh, it's raining and my wiper blades are seriously worn out.

Wow, almost hit a rock! Thank goodness for that lighthouse!

If you lost a red balloon about 80 years ago, I think I found it.

NASA will find this interesting! A star with six points instead of the usual five!

Starting my monthly antenna calibration routine *wraps tin foil around rabbit ears*

Gonna upgrade my navigational system to use Apple Maps! *crashes into Jupiter*

Kind of alarming that everything I've seen out here since Saturn is made out of paper-mache.

I am 9 billion miles from the sun. I'd probably be further away if I didn't go home just about every weekend.

Nothing behind me for 14 billion kilometers and this jerk has to pull out RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME and go like 10 miles an hour

He led the way.