Benny Feldman

Butterfly Pavilion - Special Taping 👽🦋

My 1 year old niece’s butterfly . We put the wings and paint inside a plastic bag and then she mashed it with her hands and feet

(yelling at my grandma ) LET'S GO, LET'S GO, PAINT A LITTLE FASTER WILL YA. THE BEAUTY IN THE WORLD ISN'T GONNA CARVE ITSELF

🦋🎨

@EmilySophie001 Just dm me baby girl

@Feldfrog Hey handsome ❤️, I hope you're having an amazing day. I wasn't sure how to begin this conversation, so I decided to simply be genuine. You seem like someone who's kind, interesting, and easy to talk to, and I'd really love the chance to get to know you better.

If that Abe Lincoln memorial statue is life size, I see why they made him president

cosmic anti-joke, good man dies old

It the sacred job of the stand-up comedian to voyeuristically sneer at society and chide everyone else for its ills, while getting paid to travel town to town, having fun

People often wonder Are we more like our chimp cousins, aggressive and war like? Or are we more like our bonobo cousins, peaceful and loving? But we tend not to wonder if we are more like our orangutan cousins, who have cousin cousin vibes

THIS IS IN ONE WEEK 🤯. I have seven days to write 200 jokes

(Replying to the most obvious satire in the world) God I hope this is satire

@HeptishHotik (Calmly puts a hand on your shoulder) Yes my friend. I know

If slavery was still legal today, finance bros would be day trading people. They would use a big computer to own a guy for a single millisecond. They’d short sell an old man. We’d enslave people simply as punishment for a crime. We’d do mass incarceration. Prisons run for profit

Seinfeld get ipad! Made of cobalt,

Throwing a cluster of bamboo shoots into your local pollinator habitat zone

Maximum security prisons should do a thing I’m inventing called maximum slavery

(Lying at summer camp, but to the other adult counselors) Master Chief is my cousin

@Awnrottur No specific release date yet! Aiming for August.

@Feldfrog You’re funny! Looking forward to the special, when is the release date? Hope you’ll tour in Europe, Norway in particular one day🤙🤙

I'm going to close my stand-up special of one-liners by sitting on the stool and very earnestly talking about the importance of stories

Trying to finish this as fast as I can so I can wear in on stage during my special lol

WIP

@dickheehaw I refuse to lie

@Feldfrog i think it would be healing if you mentioned my mom in a positive light during your special, thank you 🙏

Filming my stand-up special in 10 days. Anybody need me to say anything to the culture?