The Final Edition

Officials insist the country remains “strong, stable, and fundamentally in agreement with itself,” though have quietly acknowledged that this agreement may continue to require periodic renewal and/or civil war.

One organiser described the tone as “manic optimism, underpinned by a smattering of dread.”

Country commemorates a quarter of a millennium of just about holding it together. Full story below👇

Company pledges to take only what it can profit from. Full story below!👇

“It is very important people understand this was not a quid pro quo,” said a spokesperson. “There was no ‘quo’. There was merely a ‘quid’. People need to stop being cynical. Sometimes good things just happen to good donors.”

Government sources stressed that while the timing may appear “optically challenging,” there was no causal relationship between the donation and the subsequent policy shifts, approvals, exemptions, contracts, and one-off events that proved unusually favourable to the donor.

Ministers urge public not to connect obviously connectable events. Full story below!👇

Bigotry repackaged for mainstream audiences. Full story below👇