bitsurfer

@Nymdok Dude, imma get mileage out of this one over breakfast lol

Ping @FoulMouthedOne

We did a podcast episode on this year's ago and its getting worse. The end result is puppies for the rich (thousands of $), manufactured "rescue dogs" (i.e. the now adult puppies the rich didnt buy, sold in lots) for others and poor people cant afford a family pet.

@Nymdok Happens to the best of us every once in awhile - so that makes it, like, weekly for you?

Its only 5:30 and it fells like someone kicked my plug out of the wall.

@SavannahMaeUSA Not sure, let's see her and we can find out.

She’s a 10, but she's MAGA. What now?

Fighting out of the red corner, this young man will not let his lactose intolerance stop him from achieving his dream of being a contender in a made up league - here is Justin "My Pussy Hurts" Stevens!

In the blue corner - his father went out for smokes when he was just a young man in the favela, and his poor mother suffers from early onset menopause - he is Enrique "the emotionally available" Jiminez!

"His reach is longer than a CVS receipt" #dammit #thatsperfect

Give me one good reason I should not make nachos for breakfast... I'll wait.

@YesThatVCharles See, I wont even say that cause honestly having some fighters have some kind of Old Pro day could be fun. I say, do not watch Netflix fights period. If you watched the weigh-in and saw that Paul dumbass in the background, and still expected a fight - jokes on you.

So… what have we learned about “comeback” fights? Simple. Don’t watch them.

@Nymdok Do you have a camera in here - how did you know what I was working on? "When Cats Become Heroes: A Global Movement to Support Gaza’s Double Amputees"

@FoulMouthedOne Please. Write me the next great think piece on how I can get my cat to do more for paraplegic drag queen orphans in Gaza.

Ok this next decision, much like @Nymdok's Mom, is for the streets. Do I give in an go full troll here or do I start a Medium and become the mock turtleneck wearing deep thinker that your ex-wife reads on her morning commute?

If you are less than 30 years old, and you tweet about "bread and circuses" - just know that we are all laughing at you. Seriously. Like all the time. Yes. Still laughing.

@Nymdok @GlennAndTonic Oh god, please let the weather stay cool...

@GlennAndTonic The kind you find in a second hand store

He wore a real kooky beret…

@AntiWokeMemes Usually Mom works

🤔🤔🤔

Wait... are you telling me that the fight that was hyped for, like, months... and it was a total shit show. Come on you must be exaggerating here. You mean to tell me these two trotted their dehydrated asses around for less than a minute and you all paid a mint to see it?

Of course we can - right after you cancel your anal bleaching appointment and throw away your ring lights and OF thongs

Looking like 27 what?

Rumbelina is live texting me during her first ever hot air balloon ride as I mow the lawn. The neighbors now have a new reason for thinking I’m mad - as I ride around laughing my ass off

Is it horrible that I’m considering buying Crue tickets, just to see Extreme?

@Nymdok Haha! Jokes on them - you love that shit!

MFers trying to assign me tickets at 3:30pm on friday.

@Nymdok More like: Oompa‑Loompa‑doom‑pa‑dee‑dread, He chased every pleasure and now he is dead. Oompa‑Loompa‑doom‑pa‑dee‑doom, Turns out you can’t outdrink a whole hotel room.

OOMPA LOOMPA DOOM-PA-DEE FUTZ HE WAS KILLED BY MIDDLE AGED SLUTS OOMPA LOOMPA DOOM-PA-DEE DEE SEE A DOCTOR IF IT BURNS WHEN YOU PEE