Fox Riley MD 🦊

Thank you for the follows everybody!

You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you'll see a wedding ring.

Police - "What's your emergency?" Geno - "Two girls are fighting over me." Police - "OK, so what's the problem?" Geno - "The ugly one's winning."

Would it be possible to cross an eel with an eagle? Absolutely not. That would be eeleagle.

English 101 Tsunami - T is silent Honest - H is silent Psychology - P is silent Knife - K is silent Wife - Husband is silent Class dismissed.

Went to the country yesterday and fell into a well. I was stuck down there for three hours... ...it was time well spent.

I had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese". But it's just a curd to me.

Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?" Me: "A drinking problem."

I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient, I will get to you soon.

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and he’s going to spend a fortune on gear he’ll only be using twice a year.

I have one thing to say to the invalid who stole my camouflage army jacket: You can hide, but you can't run.

There once was a girl named Louise... Whose pubes hung down to her knees... Her crabs got together and knitted a sweater... So in the winter her flaps wouldn't freeze.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

Geno is kicking me out because he's fed up with my South American animal puns. “OK,”I said, “Alpaca my bags”.

Morrigan's horse will only come out its stable when it gets dark. It's becoming a night mare.

Geno and I had sex for three hours last night... We role-played as a doctor and patient... I was in the waiting room for 2 hours and 57 minutes.

@Cat_RileySCW @PersephoneGB fine, whatever.

@PersephoneGB @Fox_Riley_SCW No, I'm cheesed off and I need someone who can deal with my aggression. I'll be there in ten minutes.

@Fox_Riley_SCW Get your arse to the center. I'm about to throw a wobbly and I need a proper sparring partner. No shite this time.

HIM: I like girls who think about the future. ME: I drank pineapple juice before this date. HIM: What? ME: What?

I'm in a pretty good mood today. I'll still tell you to fuck off, but I'll have a smile on my face. I might not even give you the finger.