Paul

ME: [licking lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before. INSTRUCTOR: don't lick my lips again.

don’t archive me muthafuckas.

@ojedge @bea_ker try a snare me a sweet piece of antipodean ass.

@bea_ker @FrenulumBreve I heard she was a catfish

@bea_ker The tweets of @frenulumbreve

@EdGambleComedy what’s occurring here Ed...?

One hell of a Tuba lesson today. I nailed it. [Anne Franks last diary entry]

@justabloodygame @SirEviscerate just thought I’d pop in and say hi to my old twitter frien- gluey cum?!

@SirEviscerate It's cool, I'll just look like my partner has really gluey cum.

I’m not sure but I think this might be a cry for help.

My local pub recently held its annual ‘Circle Jerk’ competition and despite the stiff competition I think I held my own.

Time moves so fast. As a kid I would be delighted with a new pencil case and protractor set when I went back to school...

BLOODY LOADS OF COUNTRIES: So can we finally all agree on Tomato Ketchup then? GREECE:

@Tommytoughstuff fkn state of that.

Beans on his throne!

I’ve just read that my locally elected MP is backing Boris for PM, so if you need me I’ll be over there slamming my dick in a door.

@purplemonkeys13 tell me you went on to marry and have 100 kids. It’s so romantic. X

@FrenulumBreve My boyfriend and I just had a very similar encounter... Lol went in to kiss him and he just lucked my lips, then said "sorry I got nervous" keep in mind we have been dating for over a year now haha

ME: [licking lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before. INSTRUCTOR: don't lick my lips again.

TALENT SHOW JUDGE: In 4th place is Paul dressed as Daffy Duck. ME: dithappointing...

Mike Oldfield’s difficult 2nd album, Pendulous Balls.

“y’all can go suck a dick” I say as I flip the bird and turn the key in my custom red and ivory 1958 Plymouth Fury. I’ve been doing this for over 2 minutes now and it’s clear the engine is flooded. The crowd has long since dispersed...

Last night I had a dream I was eating a massive marshmallow and this morning my *pillow was gone. *faith in the British political system.

quiet day on twitter...

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@Tommytoughstuff Hairy larynx.

@FrenulumBreve I’m sure you’ve been close

Tell me your most irrational fear.