FriendZone2BoneZone

"I'm a sailor, and I lost my neg." <---- Dropkick Murphys band members do not have to work very hard to score on St. Patrick's Day

Women are all the same. Reluctant to have sex with me.

Shoutout to that Pitbull song "Give Me Everything Tonight" for making it cool to cite potentially not surviving the night when begging 4 sex

I asked someone from a drug task force if she put the "DTF" in DTF agent and now I'm in Guantanamo Bay send help please rt

Hitting on girls should feel low-stakes. Think of it as a video game, and the ability to go home & pleasure yourself after as "extra lives"

I have told so many flagrant lies today, local women feel as though they've already binge-watched House of Cards S2.

Buy a dozen roses. Give one to each lady who walks by. They'll know you're interested but won't feel too special.

Statistically, there will be more bad sex over the next 7 hours than at any other time in the calendar year. I like those odds.

Every day is Valentine's when your whole raison d'être is desperation. (You can tell a lady is desperate if she lets you say raison d'être.)

After a quick make-out sesh in the periodontist rinsing station, I don't wanna say girls with advanced gum disease are easy, but they ARE.

The key to negging a dental hygienist is enumerating the many reasons for your above-average breath expectations.

Ladies love a V-Day surprise, which is why I'm gonna post up in this periodontist's office to hit on dentally decadent babes. #MegaBeasts14

No chicks jumped on me at this Starbucks. They must not want to smell like a real man when they get home to their boyfriends. #MegaBeasts14

Gave my name at Starbucks as “The Man Of Your Dreams.” Guaranteed quickie once the line of drifters by the bathroom dies down. #MegaBeasts14

Yikes! It's amazing what a Jansport traveling at high velocity can do to the sciatica. Eh, college girls are too clingy anyway #MegaBeasts14

First stop: the university. Co-eds may be educated, but they cannot intuit that a palm-read by a stranger on a park bench is less than legit

How will this PUA hook up with 14 ladies today? I have the same 24 hours as Einstein had. Same attitude toward cousin-sex, too #MegaBeasts14

Just to be clear, I will also be stealing the use of these ladies' bodies. It's kind of a two-fer situation. #MegaBeasts14

What up, it’s ya boy MegaBeast. This Valentine’s Day I will steal the hearts of 14 lucky ladies, like a team of casino bandits #MegaBeasts14

When it comes to being a PUA, the rules are... there are no rules. Except for consent. That one's a biggie.