Poodlebert

Miguel Seltzer

The donut was weird

Protestant families will be singing about Beaver Heaven

can you abuse my goblin while i step out to smoke real quick. yeah just rub sand in his eyes nothing too crazy

@RhymesWithBread Predicting Fyre (festival) island

the riis beach private club seems like such a shitshow, kinda morbidly curious to see how it can even open in a few weeks

@feedbaguser But what about the peppercorn sauce…

@TW1NKD3STR0YER Anyone remember Clark’s

What are the best diners in nyc. Like I get a milkshake special pancake seven eggs great sandwich type of place. Everywhere I’ve been to is kinda mid. Has to be at least as good as The Pantry in new haven

@imissblackmidi Kinda like a prettier Jesus

He is kind of like Jesus

Today in the office is crawling by I’m supposed to be getting stomped on

Biggest theft of our lives. That was our money and they handed the refund to corporations instead of back to you

@blizzy_mcguire Tranquilo

been looking so fucking tea lately and everyone should be scared because im done with that dyke shit

Ur abt to see a 100% het man in ridgewood pop out with this by next year

What a dream to just be walking on the ground

Gotta beach max

@RhymesWithBread Sounds awesom

went to the beach and sat around naked drinking a beer now I'm home in bed sitting around naked and drinking a beer

The descriptor “mid-wit” being prescribed for anything that isn’t low brow but OP feels too lazy to do

hahaha alright dude take it easy see you later

@erinbraid It gives them diarrhea - learned the hard way

I'm always talking to my toddler like "Cheese is the archetypal food for a mouse" or whatever. But that's just because I don't know enough about mice to confidently tell him, like, "Mice love cheese!" I'm speaking as simply as I can here

I knew a dude who had his own calculator at school and yep you guessed it he was gay and then died