FunnyParamedic

I really should focus on Paramedic school. I can only tell so many jokes before patients realize they shouldve ubered to the hospital

* teachers and cops talking I shot a kid at work today Jinx you owe me a coke and a lawyer

My dates for fest! March 1st and 2nd!

Was in the newspaper the other day! Wait no one reads the newspaper? Kill myself? Ugh

My department has its priorities. 1 out every 4 axes gets diagnosed with cancer.

Do you have diabetes? Patient: no but I have a history of hypoglycemia Ok cool, that's diabetes

A patient asked me to help find his "pecker" to pee. I asked him where was the last place he saw it. He said my moms house. Then peed on me.

When patients are mean, I leave the door open to their home and let all their pets runaway. Now you have chest pain & a lost dog

Did cpr in public the other day. Waiting for the youtube video with comments like "look at that firefighters fat face"

Patient came in for hemorrhoids. I ask the doctor "What can I do for him?" "Nothing from your end" "Its his end I'm worried about doc"

I told a patient a joke and it killed. Started cpr all over again #MedicLife

Im at the gym and totally satisfied with my progress. #AprilFools#GotsLike3Chins

There are 2 kinds of people in the medical field. 1. A person who farts and blames their patient. 2. A patient

Learning to shock patients while theyre still conscious "Ma'am Im going to shock you now Youre gonna wanna snapchat this" #RidingLightning

The dude guarding Jesus's tomb is the reason security guards are limited to 8hr shifts now. Happy Easter

I found out the easiest way to interpret heart rhythms. Unplug the monitor and walk away