Funny_Quote

“I really just FaceTime you so I can look at myself.” #quote #narcissism

“In 2009, I farted the frosting off a cupcake for three Bitcoin, and I traded ‘em for a pizza.” #outofcontext #crypto

“I could have peed behind the fish head.” #overheard

"You're chicken rich." #overheard #outofcontext

“I'm not giving you my socks, just so you can floss your teeth with them.” #OutOfContext #Overheard

"You can't throw clumps at me while I'm sleeping!" #OutOfContext #NoContext

“He’s a human diaper.” #outofcontext #overheard

“Oh my God, I forgot about all of my tattoos.” #outofcontext #quote #TattooThursday

"They would have been up for Best Cinematography if they had just cleaned their fucking lens."

"Cleanup on aisle me." #overheard

"I'm just a fancy-pants ground sitter." #overheard #outofcontext

"I'm going to reheat my lasagna on my laptop." #outofcontext #culinarydelights

“Nobody has to know that it was *your* finger that you sawed off.” #overheard #nocontext #outofcontext #digits

“Sorry to be antisocial...something about the old drunk lady with the eye patch suddenly left me craving solitary ramen!” #outofcontext #NYC #ramen

“I just made a drink in an ashtray.” #overheard #mixology #outofcontext

“I can’t take it seriously when someone in overalls dies.” #nocontext

“Just because they’re stuck together doesn’t mean they’re having an orgasm.” #outofcontext #biology

“Steam ain’t free.” #overheard

“Why are there hands growing underwater?” #overheard #nocontext

"My bowel movement was spelling out gang signs." #outofcontext #bm #keepsyouregular

“I tested it all outside the head.” #overheard #outofcontext #quote