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It really amounts to the same thing. You're just being pedantic. twitter.com/funnyone_liner…
Funny One Liners@funnyone_liner
It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
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Joke Pedant
358 posts
Joke Pedant
@Funny_Retweets
I correct funny.
New York, NY Katılım Ekim 2010
236 Takip Edilen3.4K Takipçiler
@AveryDaye If a car is coming for me I have a split decision to make. Jump out of the way or shoot the driver.
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She tried running him over with her car. There are consequences when you try to injure or kill an officer. Stop attacking ICE.
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@SarahAllisonFl The bit she was arrested for has been edited out. It will have likely been assault. Freedom of speech is alive and well here in England
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A brave woman says that England is a Christian country and does not want to hear anything about the Quran, and guess what?
The police arrested her.
Freedom of speech is dead. Britain looks like it lost the Crusades and has been occupied.
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@RealJamesWoods History is full of ridiculous outfits and so is the future
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History will judge this era with pathetic disdain and a healthy dose of mirth.
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@MattWalshBlog I think Islamic scholars helped a little. Like the ones who invented numbers, algorithms, coffee, chemistry ect
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Christianity built this country. Islam did not at all in even the slightest way. That’s why we can have our church bells, you ungrateful little bitch.
End Wokeness@EndWokeness
Mehdi Hasan to American Christians: "If you can have your church bell, we can have our Islamic prayer call"
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@Scott19431911 @JoeyMannarinoUS The 2021 Census shows that Muslims constitute approximately 6.0 % of the UK population. Grow up.
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@JoeyMannarinoUS What's the worse that could actually happen WHEN, not IF Muslims take total control.
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This woman, Shabana Mahmood, is the new Home Secretary of the United Kingdom.
She swore her oath of office on the Quran.
She will oversee the UK’s immigration policies and all matters of national security.
In other words, the United Kingdom has officially become a Moslem nation.
This is unbelievable. It’s officially fallen.
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The Nazis have let themselves go. At least in my Grandads day they were smartly turned out and could actually march.
Cause this is X and humour doesn’t really work online . I need to explain that I find both kinds despicable.
Read Raising Expectations (and Raising Hell)@JPHilllllll
If you want to know what the real threat to Jews looks like, Nazis are marching in Madison, Wisconsin today.
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You're thinking of Quarks and Leptons.
Mug Joke@mugjoke
Don't trust an atom; They make up everything.
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He won't necessarily be the recipient of your heart. I don't think it works that way.
Mug Joke@mugjoke
My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card... he's a man after my own heart!
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Kleptomaniacs have a tendency to take things literally, which can pose a problem.
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That's funny cause tongue twisters are hard to say as well.
Gary Delaney: New tour now on sale@GaryDelaney
Someone asked what my favourite tongue twister is but it’s hard to say.
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Well every joke you say will be a Dad joke now you're a Dad.
Jack Whitehall@jackwhitehall
WARNING: This account is now going to feature exclusively dad jokes.
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Actually she was probably referring to the method of payment.
Tony Cowards@TonyCowards
Went to pay at the opticians, the assistant said “Contactless?”, I replied “No, I’ve got them in the bag”
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@Caimh Oh, I wrote the pithy response straight away. It must have got stuck in the drafts of the Twitter app I was trying out. I stopped using it a while ago. I think it fired off when I decided to give it another try.
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@Funny_Retweets Zing!! And just within the one year limit for a pithy response. Well played that man.
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Actually, it’s probably just another way of saying ‘pleases let us know if the restrooms need cleaning.’
Dr. Jeff Computers@JeffMyspace
I always see these signs and it makes me really happy that stores are concerned their restrooms might feel lonely.
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Actually, I think they mean they plan to cut the number of homeless people in half. Not actual homeless people.
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Actually in Spain double ‘L’ is pronounced’Yuh’
Darren Walsh Puns@DarrenWalshPuns
NASA are sending a Spanish chicken to the moon. The mission is called 'A Pollo'.
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Actually, that might be a bad idea as people might confuse your company with British singer-songwriter and guitarist - Joan Armatrading.
Matt Lucas HQ@RealMattLucas
If I ever set up an armour trading company, I will definitely call it Joan.
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Probably someone who was starving and watched a calf get milk from them.
Funny One Liners@funnyone_liner
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze These pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
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