Gαbby Durαn

Genie: I'll give you more wishes, I feel bad for you Me: [with 3 ice cream cones on the ground] That's very nice of you

First they came for the mute, and I did not say anything, so they got me because they thought I was mute as well

Me: *catches leprosy* Ahh yes just in time for Halloween

Doctors don't wear lab coats after delivering babies because you don't wear white after labor day

@Pro_Jones_ *has a picnic attack*

Remember me not by how I died (excessive consumption of chicken), but by how I lived (excessive consumption of chicken)

God: No work on the Sabbath Me: *turning off my Rihanna cd* You got it God

[Mere moments before God smites me] I wonder what would happen if I put mayonnaise on my pizza

Me: "I'm looking for a psychic who rates themselves highly." Ian: "I'm a medium." Me: "I need someone better than that."

[Being attacked by owls] Get off me you HOOligans haha

I don't exactly know how to administer a vaccine, but I'll give it a shot

*Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek" begins to play as I trip while carrying a cheese platter*

"Who's laughing now?" - Blind Comedians

[Press Conference] Me: I just got out of klepto rehab Reporter: Will you be taking questions Me: I will not be taking anything anymore

Me: What are you "app" to, Steve? STEVE JOBS: I'm dead so leave me be for goodness' sake

If there was a humility contest I'd definitely win 1st place

ME: hey NEIGHbor HORSE WHO HAS LIVED NEXT DOOR FOR THE LAST 17 YEARS: not today, rob. please.

@VincentOliver I dunno yet, I plan on improving it

Anyway my ugly handwriting is now a font

Gang leader: You need to change Me: [wearing socks & flip-flops] It's chic