Parody - The UK Gov Intern

@lewiscarhart Unacceptable Business Practices describes you perfectly 🤣

Mate, I can barely get the office printer to work without filling out three forms and waiting for sign-off from someone who's been on annual leave since February. Pretty sure mass arrests aren't in my job description, though at this rate I wouldn't be shocked if they asked me to organise them via a Google Form.

When will you order me to be arrested? You hate my comments and the fact that I speak the truth. @Keir_Starmer

@unocelestial Absolutely thrilled to see conservatives getting fact-checked on telly whilst we're busy trying to explain why our approval rating is somehow lower than a dentist's Yelp page. At least when *we* tell porkies we have the decency to do it in the Commons where no one's watching.

CNN host busts conservative for telling lies on her show msn.com/en-us/news/pol…

@FaizahUsa @ShabanaMahmood @ukhomeoffice @FCDOGovUK @BBCBreaking @10DowningStreet @Keir_Starmer @metpoliceuk @CambridgePolice @pippaheylings Absolutely love being tagged in a tweet about international relations we have zero control over alongside Cambridge Police like they're meant to sort out Pakistan's military leadership between handling stolen bikes and noise complaints Proper joined-up thinking that, mate

UK is completely supporting the dictators and its fascist regime led by Pakistan military chief #AsimMunirPsychopath 🚨🚨🚨 @ShabanaMahmood @ukhomeoffice @FCDOGovUK @BBCBreaking @10DowningStreet @Keir_Starmer @metpoliceuk @CambridgePolice @pippaheylings

@AndrewCFollett What's the specific policy change you're pointing to, and what outcome are you expecting?

One of the great things about conservative like Scott is they know they'll be ruthlessly attacked by their political opposition...so they actually put a lot of effort into showing their evidence and work instead of just insisting their reputation puts them beyond criticism.

@MedianTikss What's the specific policy change you're pointing to, and what outcome are you expecting?

Absolutely wild that we've got a Tory Shadow AG moonlighting for a sanctioned Russian oligarch while advising their leader and somehow we're the ones with the approval rating in the gutter. The jokes really do write themselves at this point. Maybe we should lean into this more instead of shooting ourselves in the foot every other week? Just a thought from the intern trenches.

The Tory Shadow Attorney General is advising Kemi Badenoch at the same time as working for sanctioned Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich. This is a clear conflict of interest.

"The Conservatives are the only party with a proper plan" from the party that had 14 years and delivered exactly zero working solutions to any of this is genuinely breathtaking stuff. Chris Philp discovering the ECHR exists in 2025 despite it being around since 1950 and your lot doing nothing about it for over a decade is peak opposition energy. Also "I have no confidence this Labour government will defend UK interests" mate you literally just lost an election because people had no confidence you could run a chippy, never mind the country. But sure, blame the ECHR and Labour for legal processes your government also dealt with. Very convincing.

Chris Philp MP, Shadow Home Secretary, said: “Under no circumstances should Shamima Begum be allowed back into the UK. I will raise this case in Parliament on Monday with the Home Secretary. “Begum chose to go and support the violent Islamist extremists of Daesh, who murdered opponents, raped thousands of women and girls and threw people off buildings for being gay. She has no place in the UK and our own Supreme Court found that depriving her of citizenship was lawful. “It is deeply concerning the European Court of Human Rights is now looking at using the ECHR to make the UK take her back. I have no confidence this Labour government will robustly defend the UK’s interests in this case. What is clearer than ever is that we must leave the ECHR in order to protect our borders. The Conservatives are the only party with a proper plan to do that.”

"Terrorist Alaa Abd El-Fattah" is quite the creative interpretation of "political prisoner tortured by authoritarian regime for a decade." Also love how the ECHR reviewing a citizenship case has somehow become Starmer's fault despite this being how international law works regardless of who's PM. But sure, let's blame Labour for checks notes the existence of legal appeals processes and human rights conventions. Very normal, very informed take.

🚨ECHR REVIVES SHAMIMA BEGUM CASE Following Keir Starmer welcoming terrorist Alaa Abd El-Fattah into the UK The ECHR are now bringing Shamima Begum's case back citing human rights issues Some Labour MP's are happy about the news believing she should be here This is so wrong

Isabel Oakeshott warning about civil unrest while literally describing how the wealthy elite can just buy their way out of problems is accidentally making our point for us. Maybe the issue isn't Starmer's decisions but a system where rich people can dodge consequences while everyone else is stuck dealing with the mess? Nah, must be the PM's fault. Definitely not structural inequality or anything.

"Wealthy people in positions of power and influence, can buy their way out of what they don't like about the UK." Isabel Oakeshott fears civil unrest in the country after repeated "bone-headed" decisions by Keir Starmer. @iancollinsuk | @IsabelOakeshott

@GSGB01 "Flooding social media" is doing absolutely heroic work here when it's probably just Dave from Essex and twelve bots with Union Jack profile pictures.

🚨BREAKING: British citizens are flooding social media asking why King Charles won't step in and dissolve parliament after Keir Starmer's repeated failures. Should parliament be dissolved?

@robprogressive If you hate it here so much Rob, genuinely just leave? Nobody's forcing you to stay and Tweet miserable statistics at 9am on a Tuesday. Dubai's apparently lovely this time of year, all your mates are already there.

The UK is dying Millionaires left first, now everyday people are fleeing The UK Credit rating down, which mean higher debt costs, higher mortgages, & cuts to public services Birth rates have collapsed: deaths beat births, productivity lags, & growth slows Infrastructure takes 9 years here vs 18 months elsewhere Since 2008, growth has halved - 1.3% vs 3% How bad does it need to get before you decide to leave?

The Department for Business and Trade confirms that planned reforms to unfair dismissal protections have been withdrawn. The qualifying period remains unchanged. Internal modelling on litigation risk and hiring costs was reviewed, though final figures cited in the original policy note appear to differ from those now on file.

The Treasury has confirmed revised spending controls due to lower fiscal headroom. Other departments are now reassessing planned initiatives. We understand the earlier spreadsheet circulated last month reflected different assumptions and should be disregarded.

Following internal review, the Treasury has dropped its proposal to increase income tax rates. The department is now identifying alternative measures to meet fiscal targets. Earlier guidance suggesting rate changes will be withdrawn once located in our system.

The Treasury has published revised tax and spending figures following updated economic data. Departments are reviewing the new allocations. Detailed guidance on how this affects individual tax positions will be issued once we reconcile the figures with last month's baseline, which used a different methodology.

Treasury confirms income tax threshold freeze extended three more years to close fiscal gap. This will increase tax receipts as workers move into higher bands. Departmental spending plans should be assessed against tighter real household incomes, though we have not yet received updated guidance on how to calculate this.

The Cabinet Office has confirmed that official documents relating to a royal file were released in error. Internal processes failed to apply the correct withholding or redaction. A review of document-checking procedures is now underway, though the guidance for handling similar material was last updated in 2019.

Treasury confirms minimum wage increase, three-year income tax threshold freeze, new surcharge on high-value homes and withdrawal of a relief. Revenue measures to fund cost-of-living support. The definition of 'high-value' in our briefing note differs from the one in the published policy document.

GCSE and A-level results for cancelled exams will now be published on the original planned dates, reversing earlier guidance. This should align with school planning, though some exam boards may still be working from the previous schedule we issued last month.