@[email protected]

One day, I hope to give someone a small, very personal item and then gently close their fingers over it

@tntux I'm just slumming it for a few minutes. Don't get used to me

@GreeGreeHoist Omg I missed you!

wow. y'all still here

Epiphany during the crossword.... Breadth= Scope IS THAT WHAT THE MOUTHWASH IS NAMED AFTER? A PUN?¿?

I saw a car with Star Wars decals (cool!) that told me he was a Nazi (veryvery uncool). Don't have just Empire shit on your car and DARK SIDE like it's a good fun thing, you absolute decrepit sarlacc

I never understood "A for Effort." It's obviously E. E is for Effort. A is for Axceptional

So weird you don't realize how time really works until you see celebrities age

I roped a coworker into helping me remember a word that meant "invincible" but wasn't "immortal" "invulnerable" "unbeatable" etc. In fact, I didn't think it began with "im-", "in-" or "un-" at all . Dear reader, the word I was trying to remember was... Invincible

You don't have to worry about me committing murder mostly because dealing with cleanup is never how I want to spend my evening

@ghop16er HI! I remember you. I'm on Mastodon these days

People always act really shocked when I tell them that I don't like chocolate. Even moreso when I say I don't like dogs. But I don't know man, I just don't think either tastes very good.

Netflix's NIMONA is the best animated movie I've ever seen!

My husband is quoted in the WSJ!

Some might see a familiar name in this article somewhere. I can't...not a subscriber🤔😄

@surfduder That's a great compliment! Thanks

@crow_death It's so great when you find a Thing that helps. For anything

Just shoot me ...with bubbles. I am very sensitive

If you can see this tweet, whether you are following me or not, leave a GIF of one of the following things: - Aubrey Plaza - Food - Pro Wrestling - Squirrels.

Heavily filtered -- what of it