Greg Bernhard

@CNN Now I understand the Super Bowl commercial where Mila Kunis was hiding from Ashton Kutcher in the shower as she devoured a bag of Cheetos, because she thought it was the perfect hiding place.

@GovPressOffice Looks like a bloated Dot Matrix from Spaceballs.

Introducing the TrumpBot 3000! #MadeInCalifornia

@aintscarylarry @OverEHill She got that dress from Annie Sez No

Somewhere a pizza place is missing a tablecloth.

@BenMank77 I heard Eddie couldn't find his tie. Who could have borrowed it?

We deeply regret the inconvenience of Eddie returning next week. We’ll try to do better.

@kevin_nealon He will always be Frank McPike from Wiseguy to me.

When people meet Jonathan Banks, they’re expecting Mike Ehrmantraut from Breaking Bad. They’re like “Mike?” And he goes “Hi… my name is Jonny.”

I'm surrounded by so many flakes it #FeelsLikeImLivingInAFishbowl

If the SAVE Trump Act passes, it will be easier to buy an assault rifle than it will be to register to vote. Let that sink in.

Manischewitz a Wonderful Life #WineTypesInASongOrMovie

@Brink_Thinker @GodzillaHaiku Talk about shrinkage

One of the funniest acts EVER on AGT. 😂

@BussinWTB @SilipigniMario I thought her name was Mulva

BREAKING: Ravens bring in Dolores Umbridge to “restore order” to locker room

@MrGeorgeWallace Yo' momma is so fat, when she sits around the Strait of Hormuz, she sits AROUND the Strait of Hormuz.

Earlier I implied that I escorted yo' momma through the Strait of Hormuz. I apologize for the misinformation. Yo' momma's too fat for such a narrow passageway and whatnot.

@JoJoFromJerz We must have missed the Addendum to Project 2025 specifying if Epstein files are actually released, start a war. #TrumpEpsteinFiles

He promised to release the Epstein files. He promised cheaper groceries. He promised to end foreign wars. He had to be dragged into releasing files he’s still hiding half of, your grocery bill is higher than ever & now we’ve launched a war with Iran. Well done, MAGA. Well done.

@Noirchick1 I was in college and our entire dorm watched the MASH finale in the lounge. I dressed up as Hawkeye in a red bathrobe.

"Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen" - the very last episode of MASH was shown on February 28, 1983. It remains one of the most-watched television broadcasts in U.S. history, with over 105 million viewers.. Do you remember watching it?

@oscarmayer Saw the Weinermobile a few years ago at Bryant Park in NYC. @ToddBernhard

If you’ve seen the Wienermobile in person, you’re allowed to like this post

Betting on Cedric Diggory in the Triwizard Tournament #WouldBeAGraveMistake

@mmpadellan Looks like Mike Lawler smelled what the Trump was cooking...

Watching that pathetic sap, Derrick van Orden, desperately chasing after a shake of trump's rotting hand is HILARIOUS. I may have watched this ten times, LMAO. 🤣🤣

@MXTracy66 @ThatBobMadison @oxley264 In the 70s there were a few comedy/detective movies, including The Cheap Detective and Who's Killing The Great Chefs of Europe, Foul Play.

@ThatBobMadison @oxley264 Saw it in the theater with my brother.

No one remembers Murder by Death (except, of course, @oxley264) ... one of my favorite movies as a kid!

@ToddBernhard @DisneyScoopGuy One even has won Emmy Awards (and a Nobel Peace Prize).

@GregBernhard @DisneyScoopGuy Well, at least a couple of them are actors.

Sorry but I can’t get excited about an animatronic that is going to eliminate multiple cast members’ positions, especially when they’re artists. The literal backbone of The Walt Disney Company

@ToddBernhard @DisneyScoopGuy Just tell me the Hall of Presidents still uses actors...

@DisneyScoopGuy The Launch Bay already had an unmanned Meet and Greet… for a droid.

@MXTracy66 @dbessner There was an American Freedom Train that commemorated the Bicentennial which stopped in Rochester when I was a kid. Also went on a Bicentennial trip with my family to D.C. and Virginia (Williamsburg, Mt. Vernon, Monticello).

@dbessner There was quite a hype campaign for the Bicentennial that started in 1974. CBS would run a “Bicentennial Minute” short video abound the founding every day for two years. NYC really hyped it.

In 1976 the bicentennial was enormous and people wouldn’t stop talking about it; the fact that I haven’t heard a single person mention the 250th anniversary of the U.S.’ founding says a ton about the state of American society right now