GrievingYoungFather

One of those rough nights. Everything feels so irretrievably broken. Heart just wants to give up. Need to get through the xmas week. One day at a time, breath. #grief

Climbing into bed after our girl’s 14th birthday. For once it wasn’t just us two, we had a house full. Still… it will never be warm without you. Listening to your music until I fall asleep tonight. Will pretend you are here for a while. #grief

Our girl’s birthday & xmas around the corner. Got me thinking a lot lately, about when we met & those early years, just the three of us back in our little apartment. That was such genuine happiness, I got to experience heaven. It still hurts to try accept that’s gone. #grief

Been slipping lately, buried myself in work & decorating our girls bedroom. I think this time of year amplifies your absence. Need to get a grip, feel like my mind is splitting again. Can’t help but crave everything about you. It’s so damn heavy. #grief

Had my head in work lately, finding distractions. Tonight is one of those nights though. Can’t sleep, so listening to your music, looking at your pictures. I don’t know how I’m meant to do this forever. I can’t let you go, but my life is broken. #grief

Summer adventures over & our girl is settled back into school. A real teenager these days. I imagine you bickering with her about teenage girl dramas, shopping trips, makeup, music, crushes. Trying my best, but a mother is a gap I can’t fill. You’d be so proud of her. #grief

A month into our summer adventure. Campania, Roma, Firenze, Pisa, Bologna & we’re into our last week away in the Algarve. Making the most of the summers we have left before she grows up. I so wish to relive our years as a young couple on holiday with our little girl. #grief

A couple of weeks into our summer in Italy. Was taking a picture of our girl eating her gelato. One of those moments where reality hits, stomach turns & I remember you are gone forever, that you are missing her teenage years. It’s so heavy. #grief

Our girl just got a shining school report. I’m progressing at work too. Today we’re going to Italy for the summer again. Even going to drive for the first time on those crazy roads. I don’t know how we’ve got here, kind of surprised by our resilience. #grief

Was just dreaming of when we first met. Could feel the excitement of those early days as though we were back there. Happiness turned to panic, which woke me up. Now feel sick & broken. You were & still are everything to me. Living without you is a nightmare. #grief

Surprised our girl with a trip to Oxford & to watch #thecorrs live at Blenheim Palace this weekend. Bittersweet watching her dance & sing along to your favourite songs. #grief

@bwebblite Thank you for your concern. I have just had my head down lately.

@GrievingBloke Worried that we haven't heard from you in a long while. Hope you are OK? Sending love.

Hit a bit of a rough patch recently. Can’t stop obsessing over you, can’t sleep, can’t accept the future without you. #grief

Lately, I’ve found myself frequently pondering about how strange it is to be in love with a dead person. The idea of not being alone forever is appealing. I just don’t think it’s possible for me to be with anyone else. No one is as pretty, sweet, funny. No one is you. #grief

Tonight, I revisited some journals that I wrote in the immediate aftermath of your death. Loving & losing you has defined my life. #grief

Tonight is one of those nights. Laid here awake, watching the same 3 second clip of you smiling on a loop. Wishing I could hear your voice, feel your skin, smell your perfume. #grief

I think your loss has changed me on such a level I couldn’t have imagined. I’m conscious of death in a way that I wasn’t before. This week we laid Nanna to rest & I think constantly of how we’ll lose your sister & parents, mine also. How my death will hurt our girl. #grief

Your third birthday without us has been and passed. Mother’s day around the corner too. We miss watching you open your presents. #grief

Nanna passed away a few weeks ago. Now she’s with Grandad again. I often think about the bond you had with him. Why he thought of you so fondly. I think he saw that you were to me, what she was to him. She calmed him, made him a better man, gave him purpose. #grief

@cool2tortoise84 I’d never do this.

@GrievingBloke Please dont guilt your loneliness on her in the future.....she has a right to be independent without feeling bad.

Our girl has gone away with school for the week. The house is silent. I hope she’s making great memories but I can’t wait for her to come home. She gave me the responsibility to keep going. Without her, I have no purpose left. #grief