Robert ₿reedlove@Breedlove22
At 30 I had the body, the money, and the freedom I had been working hard to achieve, but I was still failing to live up to my full potential.
Inside, I was run by my appetites and didn't trust myself from one day to the next.
Once my 7-year relationship ended I went on a wild streak, governed by my impulses, my appetites, my desires, and I kept making promises to myself I couldn't keep.
I was tying my self-worth to my sexual conquests, but in my soul I just wanted to settle down with the right woman.
I had wins in other places, long stretches of meditation, good work, solid training, but the part of me that wanted to run my own life was losing.
It took me years to see what confidence really comes from...
The word is related to the word confide.
When you confide in someone, you share something private with them and ask for their confidentiality.
When you confide in yourself, you tell yourself you're going to do a thing and then you follow through and do it.
That follow-through is what pays you back in confidence, and it takes a lot of reps.
At 30, I was breaking promises to myself by pursuing sexual conquests rather than working on those unhealed parts of myself.
The turn came during COVID.
My business collapsed, I was in poor health, I had a very young daughter, and the whole world was upside down, so I had every reason to get it together.
I cut dating off completely, no women, nothing, for 2.5 years.
It was a detox.
I poured everything into growth, business, and myself, and I kept the big promise to myself that I would do all the things I said I would do.
A lot of the unease back then was about money too.
Men are wired to provide and protect, so when you're not financially secure you don't feel secure in your own masculinity.
I've heard guys ask rich men what their number is, and the answer is usually the same.
That number is more.
Maybe there is no number, but I feel far steadier at 40 than I did at 30.
The last piece was getting honest with myself, and you can't do that alone.
I did the work, the meditation, the therapy, the reading, and most of all I learned to see myself through other people's eyes.
That's where the word respect comes from.
Re is to loop back or return, and spect is sight, so respect is the return of sight, seeing yourself reflected through the eyes of the people close to you.
That mirror is the only way to catch your own blind spots, and it settled a lot of what used to rattle me.
These days I'm completely sober and fitness is the only drug I run.
More sober, more secure, more aware of myself, and far more confident than the man I was 10 years ago.
My confidence grew and grew with each promise I kept to myself, until I finally trusted the person making them.