The Halfway Post

BREAKING: The Vatican crowd at St. Peter's Square reportedly chanted, "Excommunicate Vance!" for 25 minutes this morning.

BREAKING: The Pope is reportedly willing to challenge Trump to a publicly administered cognitive test.

BREAKING: Historians are adopting Kim Jong Un’s insult for Trump and calling the Trump years period in US history as “the Dotard Years.”

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly demanding that Iran open up the Strait of Hormuz before his birthday in June as a birthday present.

@Grandizer285 lol oof

BREAKING: Trump is reportedly furious after reports show that “86 47” has been written in seashells on over 650 beaches in 129 countries around the world.

BREAKING: Donald Trump’s new plan to collapse the Iranian government is reportedly to send JD Vance to Tehran to walk around and give several speeches campaigning for the new Ayatollah.

BREAKING: Donald Trump’s recent phone call with Vladimir Putin reportedly lasted 90 minutes because Trump kept falling asleep on the call.

BREAKING: “86 47” is now being written out in seashells on beaches worldwide.

BREAKING: CPAC officials are reportedly warning that their secret gay parties won’t be as big or as fun this year because of projected budget problems now that Viktor Orbán will no longer be laundering Russian money to them.

@TheTribune2020 🫡

@HalfwayPost I put those shells on the beach in North Carolina saying 8647👊

BREAKING: During Trump’s 90-minute call with Putin he reportedly didn’t demand Russia stop sending drones to Iran or giving Iranians intelligence on US troop positions because he spent the whole call complaining about Russian bot farms promoting Iran’s viral videos mocking him.

BREAKING: Donald Trump's interest in the Bible is back to its regular nonexistence after his pandering photo-op last week where he read from the Bible for three minutes.

BREAKING: Todd Blanche is the least popular attorney general (Senate-confirmed or acting) in US history as Democrats are pissed he's Trump's personal attorney, and Republicans are pissed he covered up the Epstein Files and is playing dumb about it.

BREAKING: King Charles reportedly laughed out loud when he saw how gaudy and "tastelessly new money" Trump has decorated the Oval Office.

BREAKING: White House staffers are reportedly having trouble finding body armor for Donald Trump to wear in public that won't look weird or uncomfortably smash his tits.

BREAKING: Top GOP officials are reportedly alarmed about polls showing solid red farm states are turning purple from Trump’s tariffs and Iran War wrecking farmers’ export markets, exploding the cost of fertilizer and farm equipment, and now requiring annual bailouts.

BREAKING: A federal judge reportedly just shrugged and said that Trump’s new policy on allowing death by firing squad applies to the exact kind of crimes that Jared Kushner is currently committing with Israel, Saudi Arabia, UAE, Qatar, and Russia.

@startrader92 He knows too much about the Epstein Files he helped cover up??

He’s not getting fired

@crackdaya That's my "halfway" schtick 😜

the line between satire and real life has been forever destroyed so there’s a 50/50 chance this actually happens