Liam Hallsworth

People calling football shirts “jerseys”

It’s like trying to sleep inside one of those pies you used to get at Old Trafford. Fucking nuclear 🔥

Moretti is shit Peroni, Poretti is shit Moretti. Poretti is the guy who makes the hot chocolate for the guy who makes the tea for the guy who makes the coffee. The Christmas temp of beers.

“I’m afraid I’ve got some bad Muse”

Semantic satiation is such an odd thing. Sat here repeating “raspberry” to myself like a lunatic.

#qualitystreet #thepurpleone #orangecrunch

@Nestle ,The fuck is this about? #qualitystreet #thepurpleone

Yet another football shirt arrives , Authentic with a player name on the back. GF: “why don’t you get one in your size?” Me:

RIP

My 85 year old , Alzheimer’s afflicted grandad on Oscar Wilde: “He was a prick him. Fancy having a name like that, Oscar Wilde. What’s wrong with Jack Smith?” 😂

My sister: Playing COD with her mates and checking her bets on the football. Me: Lying under a fluffy blanket with a wax melt burning away. Backwards af this 😂

A hangover shower has to be one of the best feelings on earth.

Don’t get how people can watch multiple TV series at once. If I start one I’m fully immersed in that and that alone until I’ve finished it.

“Why do you always say ‘morning’ instead of ‘Good morning’ , Liam?” Because if this were a good morning I’d still be in bed and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

I stand by the idea that buses should be banned forever. They should be confined to history as a terrible relic of the past, a scar on humanity , a tragic misstep in human evolution. Horrible things 🤢

The fact that European robins have an average lifespan of 13 months and Canada geese have an average lifespan of 10-24 years is one of the reasons nature can be terrible. Those honking little demons don’t need to be around for that long.

We have regional news and regional weather forecasts, now we need regional adverts because I can’t be doing with hearing some southern mong shouting things like “Enjoy da frill of a lafftime only free niney nine at KFC!” I demand Manc adverts.