Two types of people that annoy me: Drunk people when I'm sober. Sober people when I'm drunk.
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Why So Serious?
50.8K posts
Why So Serious?
@HolisticComedy
Comedy characterized by the belief that the parts of it are intimately interconnected and explicable only by reference to the whole.
Katılım Mayıs 2012
0 Takip Edilen72.7K Takipçiler
"You've changed" Ummmm actually I think the proper term is "I've stopped trying to please you."
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Being single is a good feeling, no drama or heartaches. On the other hand, it gets lonely and you miss that feeling of being taken.
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I wonder if the clothes in China say, 'Made around the corner.'
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Nice one Captain Obvious. You're welcome, Sergeant Sarcasm! Indeed, Comrade Comeback.Thank you, Senior Smartass. Anytime, Dictator Dickhead.
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If bartenders can't serve drunk people, then how come McDonalds can serve fat people?
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Ghetto Translations: AYEEEEEEEEEE! = Im really enjoying the song that you're playing.
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If I'm being sarcastic, please don't take offense. It's just my way of not punching you in the face.
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When someone rings the doorbell why do dogs always assume its for them?
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"You should've come with us!" "Well, inviting me would've been nice..."
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It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
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"I'd like a $5 dollar footlong"....."That'll be 7.05"....."Bitch what??
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I hate when I'm eating cereal and the last 5 pieces are like 'You can't catch me!'
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I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
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It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
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Women know exactly what they want until the second they have to choose.
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*Low battery* *Low battery* *Low battery* Well apparently you have enough battery to remind me every 2 seconds.
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I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply.
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Textaphrenia - thinking you've heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
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