Phil Holman

Newscasters announced that authors at the annual Gaithersburg MD Book Fair would "discuss their books before a live audience." Good choice!

SEXAME STREET: Good morning, children. Today's word is "RABBIT."

Tea Party PACs put little cash into races, spend lavishly on salaries, Washington Post reports. Kind of fits well with the GOP philosophy.

SEXAME STREET: Children, today's word is "VAGINA." Who can use it in a sentence? Little Sally: "Yes, Vagina, there is a Santa Claus."

Ask your doctor if you're well enough to play solitaire.

FUTURE NEWS: Sexame Street debuts, bringing early childhood sex education to public broadcasting. Children, today's word is "PENIS."

More evidence gun violence is being curbed? 20 stabbed in Pennsylvania school today; 5 people stabbed in Toronto office building today.

NEWS FROM THE FUTURE: All remaining cars in the US are recalled. Horse prices skyrocket.

Is #Microsoft creating a national security threat to US computers & ATMs by abandoning Windows XP? Should the Federal Government step in?

Scientists find water, an essential building block of life, inside a moon of Saturn. Next flyby will check for bourbon.

GOP sickened by thought of 7,000,000 Americans getting health care. May require, uh, health care.

Washington State says pot's OK, but Joint Base Lewis-McChord officials say it's still illegal for military. Despite the name of the base.

Email offer received from The Capitol Deal: "$29 -- Bottomless Mimosa Brunch for 2, Reg. $60." Alternative to the Topless Mimosa Brunch?

Russia bars Boehner. Obama vows to continue search for country that will accept him.

Republicans say Obamacare will ruin US. Slam Administration for flawed start and slow implementation of program. Hmm.

"Have courts and Congress let intelligence agencies run amok?" media ask. The CIA/DIA 10K Amok Run will be held in DC April 1.

PUTIN'S PLANS? The Kremlin Book Club is currently reading "War and Peace." Russia's next move may depend on where they are in the book.

Hit with a $1.2 billion fine for their runaway cars, Toyota officials say they'd have solved the problem sooner if they'd been able to stop.

Queen Elizabeth declines Obama's offer to return US to British rule. Cites Tea Party's unwillingness to tax and huge US debt owed to China.

Obama says Crimea referendum would be illegal. Also, finds that US must return to being part of British Empire.