Holmes Town

"I could be starving to death and still gain weight." - Dad

"I've figured out Facebook is for girls." - Dad

"Have you heard? Some people don't wear underwear anymore." - Nana

"You can't turn chicken sh.t into chicken salad." - Nana

"Don't fist bump. That's what Russian Communists do." - Nana

"My Kmart sandals are bling bling." - Mom

"Everyday is the 4th of July to me."

"Out West, where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer."

"You don't hear about the Eskimos anymore..."

"This body of Christ needs some salt."

"I wish people would stop sending me Christmas cards."

"You can't eat filet mignon every day...sometimes you gotta eat Vienna Sausages."

"Drinking bad coffee every once in a while makes drinking good coffee so much better."

"They're idiots. That's all I got to say."

"On one page, I'm sure I'm going to Heaven. On the next page, it seems like I can't escape Hell."

"Growing up, I never had an iPhone or an iPad or an iWhatever...the i was ME. I did all the work."

"You can't have any of my beanie-weenies. That's like my favorite food."

"A sorry dog won't wag his own tail."

"I am NOT from France."

"Them people that can't eat anything with a bone in it ought to live in an orphanage for a while."