Shannon Carpenter

The reviews are great so get your copy here! tinyurl.com/mtua86bs

There are times in my life when my children have directly said, “Dad, please don’t embarrass us.” I Tried to Be a Supportive Sports Parent and Ended Up a Biohazard open.substack.com/pub/theultimat…

I see from your chart that you are also fully vaccinated? Let me ask you, have you had any bouts of rational or critical thinking? Your Annual Wellness Check-Up With Your New Doctor, RFK’s Brain Worm open.substack.com/pub/theultimat…

Oh lord, here we go with the drama. Bedtime for the Toddler: A Shakespearean Tragedy in Three Parts open.substack.com/pub/theultimat…

The Paper Trail to Manhood open.substack.com/pub/theultimat…

Your Horoscope for Today, According to Gen X: The Stars Don’t Care and Neither Do We open.substack.com/pub/theultimat…

My next book is on submission, which means it's being shopped around to publishers. But what could help is if you subscribe (free options!) to my Substack. Publishers like to see those numbers. Subscribe and help! theultimatestayathomedad.substack.com

An Open Letter to the Amorphous Force That Keeps Screwing With All Our Lives. open.substack.com/pub/theultimat…

For those who got the big rapture yesterday, a little friendly advice to make your afterlife a bit easier. What to Expect When You Reach Heaven After Rapture 2025 open.substack.com/pub/theultimat…

When my wife suggested that we organize my Grandpa's old Folgers cans, I thought she had gone insane. Check out my latest for Palomino County Magazine. palomino-county.com/post/grandpa-s…

A Man’s Guide to Surviving Your Wife’s Menopause open.substack.com/pub/theultimat…

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: My Midlife Year from Couch to Curiosity --An Interview with Author Lucie Frost open.substack.com/pub/theultimat…

" Prince Charming and Cinderella: She catfished me, plain and simple." Disney Princes’ Reason for Divorce open.substack.com/pub/theultimat…

Movies and TV Show Remakes to Match Our Current Political Environment open.substack.com/pub/theultimat…

“Men are socialized into holding back their interior life.” One of my best interviews to help fathers out. Thanks to @CNN and @jettstone #openweb-convo" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener">cnn.com/2025/04/18/hea…

"I see from your chart that you are also fully vaccinated? Let me ask you, have you had any bouts of rational or critical thinking?" Your Annual Wellness Check-up With Your New Doctor, RFK Jr.’s Brain Worm weeklyhumorist.com/?p=59544

Master of your health, doling out the bribes Ready with a handshake and serial killer vibes The Innkeeper from Les Misérables is Now Your Health Insurance CEO open.substack.com/pub/theultimat…

"Politeness has no place when we talk about war. The vernacular needs to be as vulgar as the act." Annex My Butt open.substack.com/pub/theultimat…

Is this what happens when you reach half a century? Do we just morph into old men like Jeff Goldblum morphs into a fly in the movie The Fly (obviously)? I turned 50 and now I’m a Weather Man Now open.substack.com/pub/theultimat…

I Got the Birds and the Bees Talk While Cutting the Heads Off Chickens. open.substack.com/pub/theultimat…

"And I have to ask, did the kid who played Baby Jesus take professional tap-dancing lessons? Santa was in no way creeped out by this." medium.com/frazzled/santa…