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Funny Quote of the Day: "I am at heart a gentleman." - Marlene Dietrich

Funny Quote of the Day: "When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife." - Prince Philip

Funny Quote of the Day: "The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward." - John Maynard Keynes

Funny Quote of the Day: "He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow." - George Eliot

Funny Quote of the Day: "Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." - W. C. Fields

Funny Quote of the Day: "My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me." - Winston Churchill

Funny Quote of the Day: "You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog." - Harry S Truman

Funny Quote of the Day: "Punctuality is the virtue of the bored." - Evelyn Waugh

Funny Quote of the Day: "If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" - Milton Berle

Funny Quote of the Day: "I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty." - Bob Hope

Funny Quote of the Day: "Life is a zoo in a jungle." - Peter De Vries

Funny Quote of the Day: "I can think of many reasonable excuses for needing a cocktail, but Cinco De Mayo is always a no-brainer." - Rachel Hollis

Funny Quote of the Day: "The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage." - Mark Russell

Funny Quote of the Day: "Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle." - Robert Anthony

Funny Quote of the Day: "Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." - Timothy Leary

Funny Quote of the Day: "The one thing I do not want to be called is First Lady. It sounds like a saddle horse." - Jackie Kennedy

Funny Quote of the Day: "Age is not important unless you're a cheese." - Helen Hayes

Funny Quote of the Day: "They didn't want it good, they wanted it Wednesday." - Robert A. Heinlein

Funny Quote of the Day: "There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together." - Josh Billings

Funny Quote of the Day: "Every dogma has its day." - Anthony Burgess