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The movie TRAPPED but it’s me trying to escape a room I just farted in

Jack White Has a Lot of Questions open.spotify.com/playlist/3wOGK…

I too, am a 5.1 in Barstow, CA

more like doctor doomlittle ammirite fellas #SDCC

im at a concert and this damn app sent me notification from Nancy Pelosi (who I don’t even follow)

If there’s anything I learned from *this*, it’s that one night of bombing onstage can ruin your entire life

To be fair, who among us hasn’t cancelled plans at the last minute because they were too tired

You haven’t truly lived in LA until you’ve been blown off by a date so they could catch an open mic.

I think it was a a big conspiracy to sell more shoes

when ur joke killed on twitter but then bombed when tried on stage:

Surprise encounter w/ @IanZandi on my walk home from work

This new Eminem single is disgusting. Truly perverted to be glorfying magicians.

when u got a gender reveal party at 3pm but a Golds Gym sesh at 4pm

I too, am a 3.5 in South Pasadena, CA

in the future, it is every human’s civic duty to register and be summoned for a Knives Out sequel

she’s a 10 but doesn’t move the mic stand at the beginning of her standup set

Early by a few days but happy for him 🏳️‍🌈

every beastie boys song is about how they are the beastie boys

Glen Powell keeps making movies where he flies planes when his fanbase really just wants him to run a train

Every sentence Matt Berry has ever spoken has been an announcement