Molly

I ❤️ post birth abortions, transgender mice, and The Gulf of Mexico

me trying to impress the floor is lava trade

@MoxieBoosted Love the way you lie part one or part two? This can make a huge difference in his demeanor.

When my cat makes me sad I sing "Love the way you lie" by Eminem and Rihanna at him until he feels bad about what he did.

Man I wish I had a free bag of chips…….

When your head is pounding it means there's a treasure nearby

Mama, a girl behind you

Dogs are cats and boys are girls

@nouisyorkk I’m 29 and same

27 years old grocery shopping like this, am i cooked

@AGPepperr @sockmoments No joke you guys should buy an alarm or something. I’m sure there’s a product on Amazon that will alert you when the oven or stove is left on

Roomie keeps preheating the oven and forgetting about it

@juneapologist How do people find the perfect reactions gifs 😭😂

RSVP’d to a birthday and we’re running a 5k

Today was super mega doo doo caca but I saw my crush for the first time in like 5 months and she’s still the most beautiful girl in the world.

Work fucking sucked tonight. Top 10 worst shift

@ZANYBRANE That’s Tung Tung Tung Sahoor!

Got hired for a kid's party, this is what the parents had me make.

Do you think they will give me my tax return a second time if I ask nicely?

Computer! Make my followers send me money

Your reminder to get tested for STD’s between partners. Go get your bloodwork done yall! 🩸💉

Melissa on Abbott Elementary

@ihatethiskid Barely over….. like $121

Over or under $120?

if I don't look at my bank account it can't hurt me

@OkieRezKid I’m so sorry. May you win your fight and have a quick road to recovery. Wishing you the best ❤️

Well.. I have cancer. A rare and aggressive kind, too. That would be my luck.

@NBABabySecret Me if I had a baby

My sister is making her baby John Pork and sending it to me