barleyxcx

The only pre-workout I “take” is a “dump” (of poop) on the toilet! 😂😂💯

Hinge is getting too boring I’m gonna find love on Waze

What is a matte black cyber truck doing parked at my gym in broad daylight like dawg go fight the scarecrow or something I don’t think you’re supposed to be here 😭 💯 🦇

Road trip idea: drive thru urinals

They’re sayin all the college kids are gonna be hitting “the Elon” at college parties now. They’re sayin it’s the new charleston

2025 ins: Hitting the quand 🕺🏻🔥 2025 outs: soggy bread 🥖 🤮 soggy green beans 🫛💧🤢

If I did the thing saquon Barkley did in my beer league hockey game nobody would even be talking about it. Makes you think

Accept my message @KingJames

Self care is eating a handful of dark chocolate almonds followed by staring in the mirror and repeating “I am the almond man” 3x before receiving a celestial vision of a parting of clouds in the upper left corner of your field of vision where the light is so intense you try to lo

Can’t believe you skipped axe throwing class to tweet this

mag and cheese

When you enter a boxing match and your opponent literally punches you 💀💀

Protect our precious boxers from the crazed democrats!! They will punch you!!!

**Olympic boxer gets punched in the face, quits boxing on international tv** Conservatives: this is what democrats want. Boxers getting punched. What the hell is this world we live in

Folks, we need to get over ourselves if we want to win this election. Joe Biden is our candidate in 2024 and he’ll damn sure be our candidate again in 2028! #demsforbiden #itsnotjoevertillitsjoever

@0yoin How many stocks does 0yoin really have in stock

My lyrics are unbeatable My sword is unsheathable My pen is unsheathable My words are unreadable My wounds are untreatable My mule is unbreedable 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥… I could keep going all day but I don’t WANT to🖕

@0yoin Trying to save precious characters. Shoutout the DR tho I’m pretty sure they don’t measure you when you to there either

@IsaacGelb I thought you meant🇩🇴🇩🇴

Last time I went to the dr they didn’t even measure me. just asked me how tall I am. It’s been a week since that appointment but I really wish I told them 5’4”. Or some equally ridiculous sounding height. 5’3” even. Or 5’9” 😂. Now that moment’s gone and it’s never coming back, n

@IsaacGelb Like if u cried

I’m sorry we couldn’t make this work out