Jason Shapiro

Antony making an astute observation. Me: “Antony is not allowed to say that as the food guy”

just walked up to some cops outside of sportsmans lodge and said you absolutely have to find nancy guthrie

omg the guy from is this thing on

this is being received warmly

someone who I live with who is not a child is about to take a dump at a children’s birthday party

last week i was in a place of “blood in handkerchief”

it took literally everything I had but I stopped myself from asking a woman with an accent if she was from australia

Eternity is upbeat black mirror

Where would Mary Kate and Ashley spend eternity

based on instagram, we had the worst new years out of anyone

yearly reminder that christmas needs to be spooky

“what is any of this?” re: your spotify wrapped

We are in perfect, holy union between Black Friday and Cyber Monday. I wish the whole World could experience the pure joy and pleasure I get from deals, steals, and doorbusters (amen). God bless y’all.

i just signed shrimp in all areas

My eighty five year old neighbor just learned to fist bump so needless to say, it was an exhausting weekend.

im at an arbys and there are 3 people here with visible head injuries

I call my grape celsius morning wine

Sometimes those cute little food delivery robots are just out there in the dark trucking along all alone and I get so fuckin sad

things must be real bad cuz i don’t even know why the mcdonald’s flag is at half mast

cops, please show up to this screening and arrest H1 or at least tail the creep for a bit