Jarren Duran’s Tennis Racket

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GIRL, SORRY I MEAN WOMAN SUMMER MCINTOSH! THE BIG 18. WHAT A FKN BROAD. WOOOO My 22 year old buddy Matteo already DMed her and got fuck all. Weird thing is, he liked her IG story in 2021 and DMed her in 2023… weird guy

True

Jake McCabe had a WIDE open net to shoot at but he fired it directly at the goalie's head instead 😭😵‍💫

Not gooning on Good Friday. There’s levels to this shit

Asked the co-op student for her number. Got rejected. That’s baseball. Bat .300 you’re in the hall of fame. Onto the next

@BlueJays @TD_Canada 👅

🚨 OUR FIRST LINEUP OF 2026 🚨 #BlueJays50

Canada is like a lottery winner that was set for life but gave the money away and ended up broke.

T-1 hour until the most diabolical goon session I’ve ever had

A perfect day in Canada: 6:00 wake up 6:30 have toast with butter that almost melts. 7:00 leave for work earlier for incase another semi driver slammed into something creating traffic. 8:00 swing by Tim Horton's, repeat your order 4 times. 8:30 get to work and immediately start with land acknowledgments chants. 13:00 have ketchup chips for lunch. 13:30 post on Facebook about how Donald Trump ruined Canada. Enjoy the satisfaction of getting likes from boomers and a couple bots. Great success. 15:00 spent an hour at HR after misgendering your genderfluid-4 spirited- furry co-worker who identified as a gay giraffe today. 16:00 it's pay day! Open pay stub feel relieved that over 40% of your income went to taxes knowing it pays for welfare of non-Canadians somewhere. 17:00 finish another good day at work trying to navigate the latest red tape impacting your company. 18:30 nothing much for dinner as groceries are too expensive. You order a $8 kids happy meal and pay $23 for it. Open the wrapper to see a bite taken out. It's ok, you understand. 19:30 watch CBC, feel better you were right about Donal Trump. 21:00 get comfy on the couch for a good sleep as you had to rent your bedroom out to afford rent.

21,504 days since a Cup. 2,214 days since losing to an AHL Zamboni driver. 55 days since winning a home game. 30 days since winning a game. #LeafsForever

Sources: I wish

SOURCES: #LeafsForever announced today that Brad Treliving has been relieved of his duties as General Manager, effective immediately. Brad joined the Maple Leafs organization in May 2023 and oversaw the club for three seasons.

Our daughter’s tuition at Emily Carr is $45,000 over 4 years. I have paid taxes for this eventuality for over 50 years, I’m still working today at age 68. But sure, completely fund 500 Indian full time university spots with $100 million in 🇨🇦 citizen’s taxes.

😑

Charlie Kirk dies for speaking. Lefties: “good! He deserved it! Ayatollah dies for taking over 10 million lives since 1979. Lefties: “You can’t just kill people you don’t like!” - @HRHCatherine

The #Leafsforever should trade Stolarz and McMann to #LetsGoOilers for a first and a young strong prospect. Who says no?

@FriedgeHNIC "The guy was washed when the Flames got rid of him,and the Caps hated him so we naturally assumed he'd score 30 for us. Freddy Five Points will be here long after I'm gone, Nurse has blackmail on somebody and the goalies take turns giving up 5 a game. So ya, things are fine here"

Megan Oldham (gold medal Olympian) is in Toronto. You interested in a great 45-60 seconds? Take it or leave it

@TorontoStar If I was Matthews I’d do the same thing. Leafs were never making playoffs. Why are we trying to run everyone out of town?

Auston Matthews made his choice, seemingly putting the party and the president ahead of the playoffs trib.al/ZeEONEZ

Exhibit B: on a day that should be a good day for the US to reflect on their team and progress, turn it to shitting on the Canadians. Another classless person here

Exhibit A: USA wins for the first time in 40 years and instead of congratulating the team and program and being patriotic, the average American is saying nonsense like this. Absolutely classless