Nellie Guthner

Told my son to clip his toenails. Just used his bathroom. Guess what's in his sink... 🤮😭🤮😭🤮😭🤮😭🤮😭🤮😭🤮😭

I bought an exercise bike yesterday so naturally today I'm sitting in my pajamas, eating cake...

I just realized how hilarious it is that I TWEETED you about this issue. Bwahahahahahahaha! This mishap has produced a plethora of poultry puns in our household.

@CardinalGames, your puzzle failed to produce the produce. Instead, what I got was fowl. I'm not sure how the wrong puzzle made it into the wrong box, but apparently it happens. Made for an extra challenge I guess.

@CardinalGames Sure. How do I contact you directly?

@JOMAMASAYZ Hello Nellie, thank you for contacting us. We are sorry to see what has happened. We are really impressed with your ability to complete puzzles without the image. Can you please send us a direct message so we can look into what has happened.

When you're talking suggestively to your husband, but end with BRO, BUD, UHHHHH....and then are forced to back out of the room before you make things more awkward...THAT'S when you know you've reached true martial bliss...or something.

You know when you pound a case of seltzer water faster than you used to pound a case of beer that you're closer to 40 than 20, or even 30...

E.T. is a prime example of why parents shouldn't take their kids on vacation.

I made dinner. Channeling Julia Child, I started with wine. Channeling myself, I ended with whine.

Kirby's entertainment. He also unrolled the T.P. in the bathroom, so he's had a full morning.

I was about a half second from cracking an egg into the toaster. How's your morning going?

Lily: Mom didn't love dad right away. Mike: What?! Why not? Was he too hairy? Me: *nearly drives off road due to uncontrolled laughter*

The elastic goes out on your undies and you realize just how much fabric is involved...if anyone needs a parachute or puptent, I'm your gal.

But by the grace of God I noticed the bathroom was out of T. P. BEFORE I used it.....BUTT by the grace of God HA HA HA! I crack myself up!

@JenHatmaker, this is my first year with your Olympic commentary. In 4 years I look forward to gold medal snort-laughing all over again.

@Jason_Guthner, if you beat us home: There hasn't been a struggle, a bomb hasn't gone off, kids= tornados in cute outfits, I love you!

Son: If I drink soap can I fart bubbles? Me: No, but it will make you poop and not feel good. Don't do it Yeah, he totally drank soap.

I wish bathrooms were like Vegas. Everything that happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom. #we'reallgonnadie #5lbpoopbaby #lightamatch

Confession: Sometimes I wear lipstick before going to bed. It's a lot easier to feel beautiful while unconscious than it is while awake.