Michael.

'So...how's betting on baseball been going?' Me:

Groceries or Pokemon cards?

The last look at my bed before leaving for work

last easter as a broke nigga

Boomers ruined the country.

doing my taxes right now knowing its all going to fraud, pedophiles and israel

When you meet a guy with the same goal as you but with no girlfriend

Accurate

Congratulations on working 40 hours! You are now free to dissociate for 2 days

When you realize you grew up in best era to be kid and worst era to be adult

Me hitting on a bartender by asking what she does for a living:

Pooh sheisty came home to take everybody back to jail with him 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😭😭 wtf

who else is in this situation?

“Donald Trump. If you can hear us, save me. Save me Donald Trump”

Me in the Uber home from the bar after saying I was going to take it easy