Jack Batchelor

My coworker used to take the long way home every night. Two extra bus stops, more walking, more money, more time. One day I asked her why she didn’t just take the shortcut alley behind our building. She laughed and said, “Oh, because a guy followed me there once and told me he could ‘do whatever he wanted’ and no one would hear me scream.” So now, every night, she calls a male friend and pretends she’s on the phone with her “boyfriend.” Sometimes she even laughs loudly and says things like, “Yeah, I’ll see you in five minutes, babe,” even when she’s completely alone. Not because she wants attention. Not because she’s dramatic. Because sounding “taken” and “protected” is safer than sounding like a woman by herself. Men cannot even begin to understand the calculations women make every day just to get home alive.

It was time for Thomas to leave. He had seen everything. You know the theme tune, Thomas & Friends: Wonders of Sodor is out now on PS5.

Seeing Ted get used as a weapon is the funniest shit ever the comdey is so good this season