AjvM

One of the most fascinating facts about the ocean, is that there are whales alive today who were born before Moby Dick was written. Some of the bowhead whales in the icy waters off of Alaska today are over 200 years old.

😭😭

🇹🇷 A fan threw a cigarette into the mouth of a singer … and it landed perfectly lol

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees. $30 per seat per month. $1.4 million annually. I called it "digital transformation." The board loved that phrase. They approved it in eleven minutes. No one asked what it would actually do. Including me. I told everyone it would "10x productivity." That's not a real number. But it sounds like one. HR asked how we'd measure the 10x. I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards." They stopped asking. Three months later I checked the usage reports. 47 people had opened it. 12 had used it more than once. One of them was me. I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds. It took 45 seconds. Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations. But I called it a "pilot success." Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail. The CFO asked about ROI. I showed him a graph. The graph went up and to the right. It measured "AI enablement." I made that metric up. He nodded approvingly. We're "AI-enabled" now. I don't know what that means. But it's in our investor deck. A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT. I said we needed "enterprise-grade security." He asked what that meant. I said "compliance." He asked which compliance. I said "all of them." He looked skeptical. I scheduled him for a "career development conversation." He stopped asking questions. Microsoft sent a case study team. They wanted to feature us as a success story. I told them we "saved 40,000 hours." I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up. They didn't verify it. They never do. Now we're on Microsoft's website. "Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot." The CEO shared it on LinkedIn. He got 3,000 likes. He's never used Copilot. None of the executives have. We have an exemption. "Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction." I wrote that policy. The licenses renew next month. I'm requesting an expansion. 5,000 more seats. We haven't used the first 4,000. But this time we'll "drive adoption." Adoption means mandatory training. Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches. But completion will be tracked. Completion is a metric. Metrics go in dashboards. Dashboards go in board presentations. Board presentations get me promoted. I'll be SVP by Q3. I still don't know what Copilot does. But I know what it's for. It's for showing we're "investing in AI." Investment means spending. Spending means commitment. Commitment means we're serious about the future. The future is whatever I say it is. As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

Thank god Randy Moss didn’t get hurt against WVU heard it’s a real safety issue

The year is 2028 The unemployment rate is 99.7% You receive your $700 universal basic income from the government You have 3 days to gamble it on a prediction market to make your $2,800/mo rent on a studio apartment 70 miles outside Tulsa, Oklahoma If you can’t quadruple the money, the government seizes your clothes and send you to be on Season 9 of Beast Games The loser of the season is hunted alive by the elites for sport, live streamed on TikTok

Recent Layoff Announcements: 1. US Government: 307,000 employees 2. UPS: 48,000 employees 3. Amazon: Up to 30,000 employees 4. Intel: 24,000 employees 5. Nestle: 16,000 employees 6. Verizon: 15,000 employees 7. Accenture: 11,000 employees 8. Ford: 11,000 employees 9. Novo Nordisk: 9,000 employees 10. Microsoft: 7,000 employees 11. PwC: 5,600 employees 12. Salesforce: 4,000 employees 13. IBM: 2,700 employees 14. American Airlines: 2,700 employees 15. Paramount: 2,000 employees 16. Target: 1,800 employees 17. General Motors: 1,500 employees 18. Applied Materials: 1,444 employees 19. Kroger: 1,000 employees 20. Meta: 600 employees Where will all these people go?

Btw this guy disappeared in 2016, and no one knows his whereabouts since.

Sht say it was posted in 2020

to opt out:

How to get ChatGPT to stop agreeing with everything you say:

Unpopular fact: Men are role models for sustainable fashion and environmentally friendly buying behaviour.

Details on Carson Wentz: In the first half of the London game, Wentz suffered a dislocation that tore his labrum and fractured the socket, per The Insiders. He gutted out 2.5 more games for the #Vikings with a big stabilizing brace, while JJ McCarthy (high-ankle) recovered.

You're insane

BREAKING: Federal Reserve officials, who are unable to receive U.S. economic statistics due to the continuing government shutdown, recently lost access to a separate measure of employment data from ADP, a payroll-processing firm whose data-sharing with the central bank has been public for years, per WSJ

That time an Ewok appeared on the Today show and started moonwalking 🤣

They took everything from us