jeffrey

You piss me off so bad. Will you marry me

Today is a great day for fans of Fridays

Thursday morning affirmation: It was just an accident. Plus it was dark. Maybe no one even saw you. He ran out in front of you. Everything will be okay.

I have a stomach ache and I’m not sure momtok will survive this

And for my next trick, I will push away everyone who has ever cared about me

@garfieldluvr78 People are sick of extremely chiseled celebrity bodies. Hollywood needs more representation for strange little freaks like me

@JeffScape i think the obscenely high cut one pieces could do wonders for any body, including whatever you have going. go to the casting director’s house in the one piece and lmk how it goes

I auditioned for the Baywatch reboot but they turned me down because my body is “way too scary-looking to be seen by the human eye”

@yakubbsmonster Ok yeah that works too

@JeffScape Not wearing green because I'm a masochist

I’m intentionally not wearing green today because I’m starved for physical touch

When I was younger my brothers and I would sit around the sump pump and drink from it like lions in the Savanna

I may never get a second date but at least now she understands the concept of stranger danger

Waking up for work on a Monday morning is so defeating but at least I’m not Timothee Chalamet

@garfieldluvr78 Dude some guy had ChatGPT write an entire script about it. Pure insanity

@JeffScape the ai bots really liked commenting bullshit under that one… the one calling it “networking” did take me out a little

You never truly realize how scary the general public is until you go viral on Twitter

My Oscar’s prediction: Conan ends the war in Iran

@6lackverse I would love to legally be able to fight an uber driver

@JeffScape Uber should add a ‘mutual destruction’ tip option for nights like this”

I love getting into arguments with uber drivers because I can piss them off but they have no choice but to drive me home

Why would I watch the Oscar’s when I could watch The Emperor’s New Groove

@f4keintrnetgrl I think The Smiths wrote a song about this very situation

@JeffScape if i was your uber driver i would crash the car and kill us both

@virtualworldgrl What the hell lmfao

@JeffScape Yeah he just apologizing and talking about the road being bumpy and he was like I’m scared so you can’t be scared all you can do at that point is accept it

@lullabunnyyy You know why

@JeffScape why is your icon Artie Ziff

Someone with my social security number as their username just liked my tweet

@virtualworldgrl He didn’t like the road??? Girl WHAT

@JeffScape Somewhat true he asked me because he was scared bc he didn’t like the road

@virtualworldgrl If they have to ask the answer is unequivocally yes

@JeffScape I was in an uber the other day and he asked me if I was scared