Jessie Greengrass

This will probably be my last tweet so I'm going to make it good. Here, for posterity, is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

@OrkneyLibrary I truly haven't laughed so hard in weeks.

I saw the rain dirty valley you saw Brigadoon I saw the croissant you saw the whole of Sassoon #NationalCroissantDay

@Andr6wMale @mpphillips A social satire constructed entirely out of details from fancy property listings.

@JessGreengrass @mpphillips Please take it and use it wisely in a future work.

There have definitely not been murders committed in this house. Many posh, exquisite, and horrible murders. HT @mpphillips inigo.com/sales-list/tur…

The Poet & the Echo came out 12th Sept last year, ten gripping and beautiful stories written in response to classic poems - it sold out pretty quickly so… …We are launching 200 Anniversary copies today! More info here: scratch-books.co.uk/product-page/t…

JUNGLE HOUSE is ready for the summer with a new paperback cover! 😍💚 Thank you @PhilKlay @VictoriaGosling @JessGreengrass for such kind words and @serpentstail for such a brilliant design! 🌿🤖 #bratsummer 💅

@BenMyers1 (God I really hope this isn't just me)

@BenMyers1 In childhood they all fall out and then for the rest of your life you will sometimes dream about it.

@monisha_rajesh If someone actually read one of my books and they still want me to sign it I count that as a big win tbh

Question for authors: when readers come up after a ticketed event do you sign old copies of their books or only the ones they’ve just bought after the event? Just had a v well-known children’s author refuse to sign an old book..

@RebTamas @clarebot He taught me to play Yatzy once but then I forgot again.

@JessGreengrass @clarebot wow that’s shocking. hope you’re at least getting some good downloads out of him

If you’re a woman in a heterosexual relationship you should be getting at least the bare minimum - torrenting & dark web purchases.

@RebTamas @clarebot I'm just going downstairs to ask my slightly older boyfriend why he's never paid all the rent or taken me to a party on a yacht. He'd better have a good answer.

@clarebot it’s genuinely mindblowing

@DavidSpittle7 Honestly what better way to spend a Saturday.

Looking forward to this, we will be listening to strange sounds and exploring poetics with Gertrude Stein, John Cage, Kathleen Raine & Ariana Reines…eclectic times

@i_am_mill_i_am 10/10

@clarebot Our seagulls are just pricks to be honest.

@clarebot I feel immediately defensive of my sky.

@bencurthoys @guardian A successful campaign!

@JessGreengrass @guardian Victory!

theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2… hi @guardian you really need to have a check of your geography of the north east. It's a very long way from Scarborough to Amble, and just that bit further to Bamburgh.

@OliveFSmith They've started doing chickpea curry sandwich things on here and I'm thinking about trying one but then I'll have nothing left to look forward to.

@JessGreengrass I am eating a sordid little train flapjack.

Someone vaping on the train is getting told off over the tannoy

@OliveFSmith Train solidarity. I've been on a train for ever and maybe I will be on a train forever. Maybe I live on the LNER now.

Still on the train, obv. Not just subtweeting the hell out of a domestic situation.