Jim Carrey Comedy

If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, then just how dangerous is a fax?

Twitter is like a fridge. When you're bored you keep opening & closing it every few minutes to see if there's anything good in it...

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.

When we drink we get drunk. When we get drunk we fall asleep. When we fall asleep we commit no sin. When we commit no sin we go to heaven.

You’'re a boob. Just tittin. You're my breast friend.

$900 for an iPhone 6 ? Airplane mode better take me on vacation !

*Missed a call* *Calls back* *No answer* What, did you die within 3 seconds?

Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?!" Me: "Gravity, mom"

What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes.

Plot Twist: There is no Plot Twist.

Reasons why I don't let my gf play my PS 4: 1. I don't have PS 4 2. I don't have gf

IMDb should introduce ratings in negative numbers so that people know how bad some movies are.

Who else hates the sound of their own voice on video?

I wish college had coupons. Buy one semester, get one semester free!

School Better Go As Fast As Summer Did ! 😒

70% of our planet is covered by water, the other 30% is covered by idiots.

You’'re a b00b. Just tittin. You're my breast friend.

how to win an argument: have a vagina that's it congrats

when a girl says "lol have fun" do not have fun abort mission i repeat ABORT MISSION

okay = Everything's cool. okay? = You make no sense. okay…= You're creepy. okayy = I don't care. Okay. = I'm pissed off.