Joey Patches

A vegan sandwich shop called Never Meat Your Heroes.

Wanna feel old? Adventure Time turns 20 next week. That’s not true, of course, but did you kinda believe it for a second?

Thinking about that time as a child I met a doctor who was also a magician and without an ounce of irony I asked him which job he took more seriously.

@RockPopspod Just listened and 100% stand behind Static Age and The Hurting. Both on regular lifetime rotation for me.

The irony of these Tiny Desk concerts is that that’s actually a pretty fuckin huge desk.

Billy Joel when he wrote “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

Big twist: the entire set of Floor is Lava season 2… IS CAKE!

Idk who needs to hear this, but if the only thing you post about women’s sports is that trans women shouldn’t play them, you don’t actually care about women’s sports. You only care about relegating trans people to a lesser role in society.

Me: I heard this crazy rumor that Michael Jackson worked on the music for Sonic 2. That’s not true, right? Internet: Sonic 3, actually, and yes it is.

Yo literally just existing is leg day.

The CDC says no feeding the gremlins after 2am.

Mid-30’s are weird. Within 24 hours I’ve spontaneously climbed a mountain and then pulled my neck explaining who Jiminy Glick is.

I could totally go for $14 worth of non-burger White Castle products rn.

#WETLANDSWEDNESDAY #SAVEGRANITEVILLEWETLANDS

What do you think Fred it short for? Fredward or Fredwin?

Trump could straight up Chris Benoit his family and your racist cousin will still be like “oh but creepy Uncle Joe is a saint, right?”

We’re really to believe George mistook a whole-ass 1200-pound horse for Jerry’s human cousin with slightly horselike facial features?

Sometimes I think about how in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze, Vanilla Ice sees a ninja fight and promptly makes up “Ninja Rap” in real time. Meaning it is TMNT canon that Ice can freestyle like mf.

Can’t believe 2016 is almost over.

Also, they're gonna need to do a DEEP ASS CLEAN of the White House. Hear what I'm saying!!!!!! Every nook and cranny will need to be deep cleaned thoroughly. We need to get Ugly out about three week early, maybe a month.