John Baines

Government announces major crackdown on people using printers at work to print off boarding passes for their holiday. “This is costing British businesses thousands,” thundered Rishi Sunak

If anyone’s got any of the decent cling film left, drop me a DM, will pay top whack!! 👀 #clingfilm

Adele says hold on to your funeral playlists - she’s just written a maudlin ballad called ‘Because You Were Loved’ that every cunt’s going to want played during their final send-off!

Adele applies to have blue lights and sirens attached to her car so that if she has a good song idea she can race through traffic to lay down a rough demo at home

Might be a bit too soon for that little man! Wait for the end 😂😂

Throwback to the time the BBC asked Rage Against The Machine not to swear during a live broadcast.

Patrick Swayze to the theme from Only Fools and Horses

Had a lovely chat on Facebook today about my grandad's final days 👍 ✉️

EXCLUSIVE: Jimmy Nail reveals he’s spent his life living in fear of a stranger punching him just so they could tell pals they’d “hit the Nail on the head”

Here's your afternoon news thread, in case you missed any of these top stories👇 1) A #Salisbury builder has been given a suspended jail sentence and was ordered to pay compensation of £4k after being prosecuted over substandard work. bit.ly/3oRoVsN

Does the vaccine still work if you don’t post a picture of your card!?

Idris Elba arrested on suspicion of shoulder-barging a coin pusher machine in Margate in 1998

We are delighted to have Arch Property & Developments Ltd back on board as a club sponsor 🔴⚪️

Banter m8