Johnny Thyroids

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Johnny Thyroids

Johnny Thyroids

@JohnnyThyroids

I live in the back dumpster of a Barnes and Nobles somewhere in Montana

Montana, Bulgaria Katılım Kasım 2014
6 Takip Edilen89 Takipçiler
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
My daughter graduated from goldfish class today. Really proud of that stupid fucking bitch! She got expelled 11 times! They kept letting her back in because she was mistaken for another student named Chimpy Google!!!!!
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
Deceased uncle Bobby is calling you. Pick up now!!! You don’t get calls from Algeria often!
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
I’m afraid of my sticky cousin Melvin. He made an attempt to eat my car yesterday at goodwill. He also flushed my daughter down the toilet.
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
Rest in peace to my uncle Birthday Cake. He was a great man who loved to pee on the sofa at grandma Hooky’s mansion
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
How to eat curtains and suck on upholstery for 9 minutes
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
Cya later Dora, we love you more than disgusting pieces of dog shit!
Johnny Thyroids tweet media
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
Yucky Terrence has secretly arranged for Gary Fingerz to make an appearance
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
My parents and I have a big surprise planned for my cousin Garfield Cysts Tungsten's birthday and it's nothing short of mucus filled.
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
I woke up wanting to play hopscotch but I got bitten by three snakes and got diagnosed officially with glaucoma. All in all, the doctor's office isn't so yanked apart!
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
I bid for Chinese liquids on the web. Looking to increase my ever-growing collection of sharp plastics under great tension.
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
All I thought that happened was tripping over my own feet at the notary's office. Turns out I pinched someone else's nerves and he shouted at the top of his smacks of 121 gavels!!! Doesn't say!
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
You had to hold your repulsive fuckin French dead people over your wristwatches I licked 29 people for. Everyone realizes this!
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
"We all know how to juggle because we were born with conditions that cause our limbs to fall on greek women's journals" says me and everyone who works with me! We don't know who was born on January 59, 1002
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
Snuck a power washer and several fire hoses into the auditorium where my cousin Porboshio is graduating from kindergarten. Will update.
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
Accidentally ate a pool table again while trying to iron my curtains. Only thing I'm good at on a pool table.
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
Jump up and down in the nightmare
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
Come on guys, stop puking on me!? I am gonna call grandpa to SHART himself
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
My home economics class is terrible all we do is paint the toilets at the hospital and throw up in 1993!!!!!
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
Hey guys, my bathroom is expanding by ten inches every two minutes
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
Let’s all go and barf crap on David’s car. My podcast got cancelled by Spotify for being too loud
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Johnny Thyroids
Johnny Thyroids@JohnnyThyroids·
In about 11 months you will look at your putrid aunt Skittle with disgust.
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