jpatts

In the republic of jkpatty you have the choice of two political parties: Crocs or Scotch Eggs

You know when you picture an outfit in your head and you put it on and it just doesn’t work then you panic and have to figure out a backup outfit? Today the outfit worked and now I’m ready for work over an hour early cause I didn’t need a backup outfit

I quit my job today so if anyone out there owes me money now is the time to send it on over

I didn’t trust the girl making my coffee the second she said eXpresso

@goooawayyy I had the exact same moment this week!!!!

When ppl try to insult me by calling me fat I'm honestly kinda flattered like couldn't think of anything actually bad about me eh like u don't even think I'm annoying just fat awe

@goooawayyy Imagine an all encompassing title like “mom”

The whole "boy mom" thing is wild to me like ???? Why is your identity tied to the sex of ur baby lol like if u have more kids and they're not boys then do you have to have a whole rebrand or the kid grows up and is trans ??? Will u still be clinging to this weird boy mom thing

@Hart1Joel Damn, you’re right

@Jpatts Lies I am

a guy in gastown told me I was “the best dressed in vancouver” so you can all go home now

Haven’t needed a tums in 24hrs so I’m THRIVING

fart bottom girls you make the fartin world go round

I love storms, but my dog gets scared and the amount of sirens you hear through the night gives me anxiety so 😇 😈

took me 9 episodes of Gilmore girls to clean my room today so

I have actually cried, like *literally* shed tears over this multiple times @danjlevy @netflix

Also if you defend these like “they’re just funny and cute” no, they’re not sorry bye

If I see one more “Bach that ass up” or “One dick forever” sign at a bachelorette party I’m going to combust… the first one is just annoying the second ??????? If you don’t want that 1 dick forever or if that’s such a bad thing, maybe marriage isn’t for you????????????

Me: I have no cute business casual clothes for work! Also Me: Only buys XXL blank T shirts and Harley shirts

… cheers … happy birthday dan levy. @danjlevy #thombrowne #danlevy

hotdog and pickle meat jelly

she’s a 10 but she’s stressed everyday about everything

@littljeanjacket Phew!

Does the water I chug at 3am count as my glass of water before my morning coffee??