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I don’t usually post really personal stuff on here that I go into detail about, but I’m making an exception this one time.
It’s been 413 days since I last self harmed… 413 days since I was stuck in a two year war I didn’t think I was ever going to win. There were many lost battles, and a few times I almost lost completely. For awhile, the longest I could stay clean from it was 9 days. Wasn’t very long, but for me it was huge.
One of the reasons I’m still here today, is because of @JDMorgan. Your character Negan helped me a lot, there were MANY lonely days where I had no one, but Negan was a comfort character for me. Weird, I know, and also probably cringy? But hey, it worked!
Eventually as I started becoming a fan of yours, I realized that if I gave in and chose that way out, I would never get a chance to meet you, and that didn’t sit well with me, so I stayed.
Because I stayed, I now have a 16 week old daughter who is my whole world. She is the sweetest baby, and she is now one of the reasons I continue to stay.
I won’t lie, I still have hard days. I still get urges to fall back into self harm, and I still have thoughts about leaving…. But I continue to fight, and I will keep continuing to fight, because I now have reasons to. (Especially now that I’m planning a trip to New York in the summer to check out your candy shop!! 😏)
I don’t know if you will see this, I know you’re busy, but I wanted to post just in case. Thanks for being one of the reasons I’m here, Jeff. You help so many people without realizing it. I hope to meet you one day and tell you thank you in person, it’s been a goal of mine for awhile!
I hope you’re having an amazing day, and I hope your holiday was full of family and love!! I also hope your team wins tonight! I know very little about football, but hey, go hawks!
‼️For anyone who has thought about using self harm as a way to cope, I can promise you it’s not worth it. It was a can of worms I opened without realizing how hard it would be to close, and I almost didn’t close it. If someone would have told me that I would have been stuck in that cycle, and wouldn’t be able to stop for two years, I wouldn’t have started it. It seems like a harmless way to make the pain go away, but I can promise anyone who is tempted, it only “numbs” it for a very short time, and eventually it won’t numb anything at all. I was fooled by that lie, and I found out the hard way. It may start with something small, but it won’t stay that way. It looks harmless, but it’s not. It’s a vicious, tiring cycle. So, please, if ANYONE is even thinking about the possibility of starting that, reach out to a doctor. There are better ways to cope, ones that don’t cause more pain, and aren’t dangerous. Ones that actually help. My messages are open for those who need someone 🤍
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