machine gun kaity

bad day to be a collegiate athlete

💕💕💕💕💕💕

I own a sports bar. I’ve got more calls THIS MORNING asking if we’re showing softball today than I’ve got in 7 years asking if we’re showing baseball.

“Where are you from?” “Ohio” “What part?” “Worthington” “What’s it by?” “Westerville, Dublin, Clintonville, Columbus...” “Huh?” “On a farm. We’re all Amish, ride in horse drawn buggies, grow corn, live in log cabins with no electricity”

“big city driving is scary 😩” *Also takes a back road corner at 90mph*

If you ask a Midwesterner “how are you” and they respond 1. “well, im here” 2. “oh it’s going” 3. “living the dream” send help immediately. It’s a desperate cry for help that loosely translates to “i need you to push me off the roof.”

The word Ohio looks like a tractor

The best snow warning I’ve seen.. 🤣🤣

Midwest phrase that everyone needs to learn to get off the phone: “Well I’ll let you go”

Midwestern moms when they see kids wearing shorts in negative degree weather

Stages of I Love You in the Midwest 3. Watch out for deer 2. I started your car for you 1. I’m bringing home Culver’s tonight

You can be republican You can be democrat You can be left You can be right You can be anything in this world But you cannot be from the Midwest if you haven’t had one of these in your lifetime

what a great way to end finals week🤩

*everything is more important than the turkey

Gotta keep your hair, heels, and standards high!

My friend Adam has never texted me for a normal reason.

The @Reds have a 2-game lead for the second Wild Card, and Joey Votto is having a ball!

Karma is a bitch! The same way you made somebody feel it’ll come back on you, maybe 10 times harder. Better be careful what you do to people. Ain’t no fun when it’s you.