Kay

I should write a bible. It would say: Be nice when you can. Be a dick when you must. And when in doubt, mind your own fucking business.

I was explaining to someone that my dog likes grilled chicken with a pure pumpkin reduction for breakfast and they took a swing at me.

DC bar committee hearing recommends Rudy Giuliani get disbarred. Rudy says he’s gonna appeal it all the way up to the parking lot at the Supreme Courtyards at Marriott.

.@chrislhayes: "You'd think this would be a pretty open and shut case at this point, but today the indicted ex-president offered a 12-point refutation of the recording."

Other half's a teacher, in a school of about 100 teachers. They usually have 3 or 4 leave at the end of each year. Yesterday she found out 26 are leaving. They've had enough.

In my opinion, the best tweet about Trump ever written: @acitrano

I did my own research by looking at expert opinions on vaccination, and I concluded that Joe Rogan is a college drop-out with nothing valuable to say on the matter.

How!? twitter.com/satisfyingpub/…

Don’t call it “tough love” when someone has to heal from it. That was abuse disguised as tough love.

Imagine claiming that a few Bible verses on human sexuality are literal divine commands from God for all of society, all while claiming the +3,000 verses calling for the care of immigrants, the marginalized, the oppressed, and the poor should just be a personal choice.

It must be tough to get people to read your emails if you really are a Nigerian prince.

'I found the poems in the fields, And only wrote them down.' -John Clare 🎨Andrea Kowch #BookWormSat

Her: That's a lot of mannequins. Me: Let me introduce you to Vera.

They banned hot dogs at the office ever since i used them as drumsticks on susan's neck.

nanu nanu

Just pulled up beside a guy at a red light who was blasting Unforgiven by Metallica and picking his nose. We made eye contact. I’m not okay.

I was with my friend when he got pulled over and he said "just be cool" as if after a lifetime of trying I would suddenly figure it out then