Kevin Hart

"I'll just sleep for 5 more minutes.." *30 mins later* "SHIT!!"

S[he] Beli[wantedasandwich]

Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture

"What does STFU mean?". "Shut the fuck up". "Damn dude, chill! I was just asking

A hangover is just nature's way of saying you kicked ass last night.

I hate when girls say "I'm single but my heart is taken" bitch, that nigga don't love you. move on !!!

This is a A & B conversation so C your way out before D & E come F you up like a G !

That mini heart attack you get when someone says - "Guess what I heard about you.."

*At home* Me: "I want to go out, I want friends." *When I go out* "I want to go home, I hate people."

Hoes these days be black as hell with sky blue contacts and bright blonde hair... looking like a burnt "smurf"

Dear rappers, Please stop putting police sirens in your songs. Sincerely, one paranoid driver.

you know what really turns me on? unprotected.... wifi 😁;)

I want to high five your face with a stapler

You cannot possibly fathom the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

How come when your wife is pregnant all her female friends rub her tummy & say congratulations but no one rubs your balls and says good job?

"I'm ugly".. Oh excuse me hoe you spelled "attention seeking whore" wrong.

If we're texting and you write 'cum' instead of 'come' l'm gonna assume you want to have sex with me

Rick Ross Twitter password "10PcWithaCoke"

When my name's in a math problem? Class: *Stares at me* Me: "That's right bitches. I bought 60 watermelons."