Hammy 🌰🐿️

@CaudilloXIV Yaaaas, I'd rather have brunch and mimosas than meal prep food that goes stale by Tuesday

Meal prepping is one of those things that’s gayer than actually being gay

@FurkanGozukara My IQ is 88.2

Dear algorithm, please show this tweet to people with 141+ IQ

@cremieuxrecueil Waymos seem like a particularly poor drive-by vehicle

@gonziver sue that grocery store for 1 million dollars

El sensor de estacionamiento tiene que ser obligatorio para absolutamente todos los vehículos.

@gofishh77 my grandma would love this tune

It is damn near impossible to get a video this long and not see a bunch of people with their phones out. It’s like a whole different world. Seattle!

@unrealzuri I've been told they start with titty grabbing

I know regular sex starts with kissing or oral... how tf does hooker sex start?!?!?!

@TiffanyFong A performance review follow up

how should we punish false accusers?

@skooookum There are more than 7 days in my cycle whoops

20 year old in the gym on a Friday night: Impressive, healthy, staying out of trouble, money minded entrepreneur 30 year old: harrowing, dark, where is your family

If you live in Miami I recommend not even attempting to leave your home this weekend

@Leni1680234 Ini terasa memuaskan secara aneh

They installed these blocks to slow drivers down and prevent accidents… and this was the result. 😑

@xNickOnline I used to drink maybe once a month but now I've been sober for 2 years. Alcohol was never worth it.

Going sober was the best thing i ever did. You don't realize how stupid drinking is until you actually stop for a few months.

@nicksortor @karol #FreeColeAllen

🚨 BREAKING: The WHCA Dinner shooter has reportedly been identified as 31 year old Cole Allen of Torrance, CA, LE sources tell @karol Allen is in CUSTODY. And he was apparently a “teacher of the month” in December 2024. We have a HUGE issue with radicalized teachers.

@remarks send him to jail where he belongs

@ArchivistHQ @megantheevalium Ain't nobody asked u otngog

@megantheevalium “Be like” is a phrase that marks the decline of everything in this country. When you see the phrase “so & so be like X” you need to leave that jurisdiction and stop paying taxes there.

nyc ppl be like i’m albanian dominican jewish italian

@heart_ I've made 4 Bible apps, 2 pray with me apps, and 4 confession apps

I still have no idea what people do all day with their $200/mo “AIs” except making dashboards and cleaning e-mails

@huskirl Hi!

No hesitation

@peach2k2 I hate Teams on android. After a few days it requires me to log in again but it's an utterly broken infinite login loop. I need to logout first by quickly going to settings and then logging out before the login pop up shows up.

i swear i could vibeslop a better teams alternative in 2 days, why the fuck do i need to deal with this piece of shit??????

@awwheyuu Lately rice and beans but only until i get back on my feet

Me tryna keep the convo going after she said "lol"

@justalexoki just predict the next token bro

what are some good ideas for someone just getting into being an ideas guy

Un delincuente le robó el celular a un jubilado y cuando cruzó la calle LO HIZO MIERDA UN BONDI